Former Clarity
by LaughLoveLiveXx
Summary: College is over and life has begun. It's been years since they last heard from A, but the final message is still ringing in their ears. Life's picked up since the days of A for all but one of them. AU future fic. Strong adult themes. At least a T.
1. The Living Years

Hey, everyone.

So, this is my way of taking a break from All Your Secrets and More and A Kiss To Build a Dream On.

I'm thinking this will, most probably be a two (maybe three) shot, but that all depends on its reception.

It is, as mentioned in the summary, a future fic (probably about ten years on from the beginning of season three A).

I hope you guys enjoy it.

* * *

Chapter One- The Living Years

_It's a Tuesday. Not any particular Tuesday. Just a Tuesday in November. The suburban_ _streets are quiet as the leaves fall of off the scattered oak trees and sprinkle themselves across the green linings of the sidewalk, creating a montage of fall yellows and reds over the perfectly even paving slabs. Curling and drying out. Preparing for the winter._

_It's not too cold out, forty degrees, maybe fifty, but you're wrapped up sufficiently in a thick sports hoodie, your thick faux fur lined boots up to your knees over your ripped, blue skinny jeans. Your hair's tied in a high ponytail that still falls to half way down your back._

_The leaves crunch under your feet as you turn into the drive way, under the overhanging oak and through the side gate of the backyard; it was probably quicker for you to have walked to her front door, but that involved crossing Main Street, and your mom still wasn't happy with you doing that on your own (despite your doing it all the time with your friends), besides, it was the more scenic route- and hers was the first house that you came to._

_Shyly, you raised your fist and knocked softly on the glass pane of the door- she'd told you to just come in, but you still felt rude. It wasn't how you'd been raised. Patiently, you waited, not wanting to knock again in case it came across badly._

_After a few minutes, the venetian blinds flickered out of sight and her face appeared; deathly pale and grinning widely. Her hand rested on the handle, and her big brown eyes darted back to your face, you giggled, and she smiled again, pressing her slightly crooked nose against the glass. You mirrored her, leaning your forehead against its smooth pane and squishing your nose against hers; her eyes opened and they smiled at you as her lips placed a kiss against the winter's interpretation of yours. With a small grin, she flicks the handle upward so fast that you almost fall through the door, tripping over your own feet to the sound of her smirk. She murmurs something about a race, but you're too busy unlacing your boots and placing them on the mat to even think about beating her. Her footsteps dance up the stairs and you clocked your head up from your shoes just in time to see her disappearing around the corner towards her bedroom._

_You're up within seconds, your constant training having given you lightening reflexes, and taking the stairs two (maybe three) at a time, until your just behind her. She knows this now, you can tell, because she's bent over like a dog, using her hands to help her to scramble up the stairs first, her faded blue jeans just clinging to her unusually narrow hips._

_Swinging her head back to throw a triumphant grin your way, she pounds over the threshold, missing throwing herself onto her bed in victory. You're close behind her, practically on her heels as she glides across the cream carpet, so much so that she trips you as she executes her victory jump, and sends you sprawling on top of her as the both of you hit, first the bed, and then the floor._

_Her legs are tangled up in yours now, and your hair is so flustered that you're struggling to tell whose is whose as you try to break apart. Slowly, but surely, you separate, with nothing between the two of you save for a few stolen glances and childlike giggles._

_She disappears off a few seconds later to grab some snacks and drinks, and as you watch her retreat you remember that you're supposed to be sick. Your throat had hurt when you'd woken up, and your mother- being who she was- didn't want to risk you going to school and getting an infection, or cholera. Spencer had woken under the weather, and had called your mom for a diagnosis, as her parents were (once again) out of town._

_You were delighted that Spencer was sick too, and- after hours of persuasion- your mom had condescended to let you go over, since you didn't have a fever and even she could see that Spencer needed company._

_You, however, where beginning to think that this whole thing was a rouse._

_It's as she smiles when she reenters, now laden with a jar of peanut butter and crackers, as well as apple, cranberry and grapefruit juices (explaining that she wanted Kool-Aid, but her parents never bought it), that you remember why you're here. It's because she needs you: ill or not, she needs someone to care about her._

_And it's then, as she flicks her ponytail over her shoulder, her eyes glinting at you, that you vow that you're always going to be there for her. Whenever, wherever, whatever._

_Because she needs someone._

_Because she needs you._

* * *

"Wow!" Emily exclaimed, crouching down next to the tiny table, "That's beautiful!" The little girl sat there beamed up at her, the crayon stilling on the paper,  
"It's for you!" She said shyly, her pale cheeks flushing red as she bent her head down in polite embarrassment,  
"For me?" Emily asked sweetly, placing her hand on the table, to keep her balance while she crouched, and pulling it away quickly as her fingers met something sticky on the table's surface, "Thank you, honey."

Ruffling the little girl's hair, she stood up, leaving the child to finish coloring alone. Smiles met her all around the room as she bent to pick up various toys and crayons from desks, placing them wearily in their rightful boxes, glancing at the clock intermittently. Emily loved her job; but certain days were longer than others, that was for sure.

"Missus Fields?" A voice called out from somewhere around her knees, accompanied by a tug on the leg of her slacks, "Missus Fields?" She chuckled good naturedly, bending over to meet the eyes of the little boy standing before her,  
"What can I do for you, sir?"

"I'm not a sir." He giggled, flicking his hair out of his eyes, "I'm only six!" Emily smiled,  
"Why, so you are. It's that haircut, makes you look a lot older." The little boy smiled brightly,  
"You think so?" He beamed;  
"Absolutely. You look very handsome."  
"My sister said that I look like a girl." He frowned, his bottom lip wavering, "She's really mean."  
Emily nodded,  
"Sisters are like that sometimes. You just have to remember that she loves you really."  
"Do you have a sister, Missus Fields?" He asked, his eyes watery,  
"No, I don't," She laughed, wiping away one of the child's tears, "But my best friend from high school had a big sister, and she was the meanest sister that I ever met."  
"My sister put soap on my toothbrush." He told her, pulling a disgusted face as he did, "And it made my tongue taste all yucky."  
She smiled to herself, thinking that it actually sounded far more like something that Spencer would have done, than Melissa.  
"Well, just don't stoop to her level, okay Charlie?" She asked him, getting a smile in return as he scampered off into the sea of his classmates.

This was why the children liked her. Teaching the first grade, she'd been warned, could be nightmarish- the kids were young, and plentiful, and had a tendency to be a little unruly; but so far she'd had a lot of fun.

Sinking down at her desk, she pulled out a stack of papers to grade and smiled at the first one on the pile. She'd been told, at every lecture she'd attended, and every class she'd been to, not to have favorites- but she couldn't help it. She smiled once more at the name on the paper as the sound of the bell resounded around the walls of her classroom, before dismissing her class and watching them file out of the door towards their parents. Smiles flew in all directions as backpacks and lunchboxes bustled through the crowd of chatter and into the waiting arms of the adults waiting for them- Emily's biggest critics.

The door banged shut, leaving Emily alone in the quiet of her head for the weekend. It was odd, she thought, that addressing her class at the end of a Friday afternoon could often be the last time she spoke until Monday morning- she lived alone, after all, and never bothered to speak to her neighbors. She'd not really even bothered to make new friends since high school, either. But she had her students, and their first semester assessments, and that was all she really needed.

_Once upon a time, in a big castle set high on a hill, sat a lonely prince. He was very sad, because the princess didn't like him and his pet dragon had flown away, leaving him all alone with the evil witch..._

"Miss Fields?" A little voice called across her classroom, "What are you smiling about?"

Emily jumped a little in shock (she'd thought for sure all of her students had gone), as she looked up from the paper towards the little girl, sat at the back of the classroom.

"I'm reading a paper from a very special student," She grinned, beckoning the child forward to her desk. She suppressed a laugh as she skipped across the room, her long, elaborate braids of dark curly hair swinging over her shoulders,  
"Really?" The child asked, "Whose is it? Is it Meghan's? Because she's very clever. But I don't like her, she's mean."

"No, it's not Meghan's." Emily smiled, taking the little girl under the arms and pulling her onto her lap, lifting the paper up for her to see, "It's a very, very special students."  
"It's mine!" She grinned, twisting around to smile at her, showing Emily the gap in her teeth as she did, "It's mine, Auntie Emily!" She paused for a second, putting her hand on Emily's shoulder and looking her very seriously in the eyes, "I am allowed to call you that now, right? Because Mommy said that I mustn't call you that when I'm at school."

Emily nodded and smiled down at her niece,  
"Yeah, it's okay now." She took the paper back from her tiny hands and placed it back on the top of the pile, "Wait a second, why is Meghan being mean to you?"  
She jumped down from her aunts lap and stomped across the classroom towards a desk in the second row,  
"Well," She began, "I was sitting here the other day, and I was reading my book, because you said that we could sit anywhere we liked, and she came over and pushed me and told me it was her desk and that I couldn't sit there because Harry told her that I had cooties, but cooties are stupid and pretend and not real. And she said I was a dork because I was reading a book- and I said I couldn't help it if she was intellectually incompetent and it wasn't my responsibility to make her look good by being stupid."

Emily sighed and rolled her eyes, looking her niece up and down exasperatedly,  
"You know, as your teacher I have to tell you that you shouldn't have said that to Meghan and I want you to apologize." She said diplomatically, laughing as the child's lips formed a pout, "But, as your godmother, I'm going to high five you on that, okay?"

She smacked the girl's hand against her own, and laughed as she slid her papers into her briefcase and tucked her chair into her desk. Her niece was already stood by the door, her hand on the light switch waiting for Emily to walk through it,  
"God, you are so much like your mother." She laughed, ruffling her hair as she walked through.

"Speaking of my Mommy," The little girl asked, slipping her hand inside her aunts, "Where is she?"  
Emily shrugged, swinging the child's arm in hers,  
"I don't know, sweetie, she must have gotten held up." She used her shoulder to push open the large double doors and held them open for the child to walk through- this had happened a lot as of late, despite her mother being one of the most punctual people she knew.  
"What could be more important than me?" She asked sadly, her big brown eyes wide with disappointment as she scanned the parking lot for any sign of her mother's car. Emily sighed sadly at the little girls comment, finding herself shocked- once again- at the world that she was experiencing; a world that Emily herself had yet to make sense of.

"Nothing." She confirmed grimly, heading in the direction of the street, "Now, my car's in the shop, so we have to walk- but, I believe there's an ice cream store about halfway there..." She trailed off, watching as her niece's face lit up, nodding her head fervently.  
"Can we?" She pleaded, "Mommy never let's me have ice cream!" I want chocolate, and strawberry, and vanilla, and toffee, and peanut butter, and-"  
"Are there any flavors that you don't want?" Emily chuckled. The little girl cocked her head to the side for a second, her lips pursed in thought,  
"I don't like mango. Daddy likes mango, but I think it's gross."

A car door slammed loudly behind them and Emily her name being yelled. She whirled around, a smirk on her face as she watched a familiar figure climb out of her- badly parked- Prius, and start to half run, half trot down the sidewalk toward the two of them, her dark brown hair flying behind her in the wind.  
"Looks like we won't be alone for ice cream." Emily grinned, nudging her niece and pointing in the woman's direction.

"I am SO sorry I'm late." She panted, coming to a halt just in front of the pair of them and crouching to pick her daughter up,  
"Mommy!" She squealed, letting go off Emily hand and wrapping her arms around her mother's neck, clinging to her body like a koala bear.  
"Hi, honey." She smiled, placing a kiss on her daughters forehead, before letting her snuggle into her neck, "God, Em, I'm sorry. We had a bit of a crisis."  
Emily waved the apology off with her hand, tilting her head to the side in concern as she addressed the other point made by her best friend, "Crisis?"

Aria sighed,  
"Yep." She muttered, "Just to make a change."  
Emily froze,  
"It's not...?" She stuttered, "It's not...you know?"  
"Oh, God no, Em." Aria replied, shaking her head tiredly, "Nothing like that."  
"Like what, Mommy?" The child is Aria's alarms asked, sitting up against her mothers forearm and placing her sticky hands on the side of her face,  
"Like nothing, sweetie," Aria assured her daughter, "And what is all over your hands?"  
Emily bit her lip to fight the smile that was emerging as her niece giggled and smacked her sticky fingers against her mothers face.  
"Get off, Scarlett." Aria warned, placing her daughter back down on the sidewalk, where she immediately began to climb around Aria's legs.

"So, what was going on?" Emily asked, as she followed Aria to where her car was sat on the edge of the street. Aria sighed, lifting Scarlett off of the ground by her hips and setting her down in her seat, securing her seatbelt with a tug and an exasperated sigh.  
"What do you think?" Aria asked darkly, rolling her eyes as she slammed the door to her car and walked around to the drivers side, " Do you need a ride?" She asked rhetorically, opening the passenger door as she spoke. Emily shrugged, buckling her seat belt and turning towards her best friend,  
"Is it work?" She guessed, clutching at straws now, unable to read her best friends face. She couldn't fathom what could possibly be in crisis with Aria's work, she wrote for a living, and worked mainly on inspiration- as far as she knew, the girl hadn't written in months.

"God no," She dismissed quickly, shaking her head, preoccupied, as she pulled into the stream of traffic. "No, it's not that. It's Hanna." She grimaced.  
"What's wrong with Auntie Hanna?" Scarlett shouted from the back seat, her eyes wide,  
"Nothing, sweetie."

Aria shot her a meaningful look and Emily nodded in recognition, a wry smile crossing her face.  
"Hanna?" She mouthed back, wary now of Scarlett's ever alert ears, "What's up?" Aria gave her a strong look, eyebrows raised. "Still Caleb?" Emily groaned, throwing her head back against the seat, "Really?"

"No," Aria said solemnly, "Well, actually, yeah. But that wasn't this today's main issue."  
Emily pursed her lips sceptically, sending her best friend a confused look.  
"She heard something today." Aria announced as the car ground to a halt in her driveway, "Something about Spencer."

* * *

A/N

So, what did you guys think so far?

I'd also like to give a short out to JamScottRocks54 who enjoys heckling me on a daily basis to update may fics. Happy Birthday!

I look forward to reading your reviews, as always.

~LaughLoveLiveXx


	2. The Search For Something More

**A/N**

Firstly, I want to say a huge thankyou to all of you who've read, followed, favorited or reviewed this story- it means so much to me to hear your feedback.

For anyone who's been affected by hurricane Sandy, best wishes to you: I hope that you're all keeping safe and well, and that Sandy stops this madness soon.

I hope that it didn't disappoint anyone who was hoping that Spencer was the child's mother. I do have intentions of bringing Spencer into the story (but not quite yet) with her own storyline, explaining what happened between them all. But if anyone has any theories I'd love to hear them!

Enjoy, and if you do, review. : )

* * *

Chapter Two- The Search for Something More

_She strides into the locker room and smiles brightly at you as she peels off her shirt, throwing it unceremoniously on the bench behind her. You grin back, squeezing your chlorine drenched hair out over the drain to your left. You've just finished a private swim practice, and she's coming out of an extra field hockey- as always, the last of the team to finish practice- so the two of you are alone in the room. She strips out of her hockey skirt and peels her under armor off of her sweat soaked skin, walking half naked across the room to grab a towel: she picks up two and throws one at you with a grin. You take it gratefully and shoot an awkward look across the room- you're shy, you always have been- but she's already pulled off her underwear, which relaxes you (in a strange sense), and you start to pull your swimsuit off. _

_You follow her into the showers and turn on the hot stream of water, letting it soothe your tired muscles; she grins at you and shampoo filled water runs into her mouth. It fills her mouth and a disgusted look covers her face. You giggle. She smacks at you, but she's laughing too, and the attempt only results in more shampoo taste. _

_"How was practice?" She asks as you step out of the showers, wrapping yourself in the fluffy white towel she gave you earlier, you shrug your shoulders and nod in her direction, _

_"Alright. Yours?" _

_She grins and you can tell it was good. Spencer's always had a unique sense of modesty. _

_"Seven goals in one game. Hopefully they'll make me first string next semester." _

_You smile at her delight and congratulate her, unable not to watch as she drops her towel and pulls on her underwear- they're silk, you notice, and suddenly your cotton boy shorts seem inadequate. It's a feeling you've had a lot lately. With Hanna and Aria, and Spencer sometimes too: with their first kisses and lace underwear, their bras and issues of Cosmo. Alison had even gotten her hands on a condom last week, which Aria had blown up at your weekly sleepover. They had periods and actually needed bras. They were women now. _

_And you were stuck as a child. _

_A thirteen year old anomaly. _

_You hadn't even been kissed yet. _

_Your eyes roam over Spencer's body as she dresses, and you think you're jealous. But you're not. Not really. You've tried to work out this feeling before; you get it all the time, but its alien to you. _

_It's like jealousy, but different. You don't want to be her, you actually want her. You want to feel how soft her skin is, the silky shine to her hair. You find yourself wondering what it would be like to kiss her. She's even offered, before, to kiss you. She's never been kissed either- not as far as you know, anyway. _

_She's dressed now, and you feel awkward, standing (still in your towel) in the middle of the room, and hastily pull your clothes on. _

_It's her turn to watch you now. _

_And she does. _

_"You're lucky." She whines from the bench where she's sat tying her shoelaces as you hook your training bra around your back, "You actually have a reason to wear a bra." _

_You blush scarlet, and you feel the color beginning to spread from your cheeks and down to your chest. You murmur something incoherently and she stands up insistently, _

_"You do!" She asserts, like, lifting her hands to her own breasts and cupping them, "See! Mine are tiny!" _

_You're past scarlet now, and fully on route to beet red as she takes your hand and clamps it over her chest, _

_"You can't tell me that you honestly think that's a decent mammary gland." You laugh awkwardly and she relents, obviously able to sense how uncomfortable she's making you. _

_She begins ranting about something or other that Melissa had said or done, whilst you finish getting dressed, and you're grateful of the reprieve. _

_You contemplate asking Spencer about how you've been feeling, to see if she's ever felt the same way. You don't know who to talk to really; Alison would surely make fun more than she'd be able to help, and Hanna wouldn't understand, Aria was never down to earth enough to talk to, and your mom was...well, your mom. _

_But Spencer always seemed available. Accessible. _

_Spencer was always there._

* * *

"One more time?" Emily asked Hanna in confusion over the top of her coffee cup as she curled her legs underneath her, relishing in the feel of Aria's soft suede couch. The blond nodded, taking a long sip of her drink as Aria sat down next to her.

"I literally cannot get her in the tub." Aria sighed as she fell back into her seat, "I have tried every single persuasion technique that I can, but the child is impossible. And covered in paint for that matter, what the hell did you let her do?"

Emily laughed and was about to begin explaining about their class art project when Scarlett came hurtling through the door into the living room, stripped to her underwear and covered in paint.

"What the-?" Emily exclaimed, seizing her niece by the shoulders, "Aria, she didn't do this in my class."

Aria groaned and murmured something about an art set that her mother had bought for Scarlett on her last visit, as she closed her eyes and laid her head back on the couch, exhausted.

"Where'd you do this, little lady?" Emily smiled, twirling her around by her shoulders and taking in the array of colors that the child had covered herself in.

"My room. Daddy made me a desk for my room, and it's got pictures and paints and crayons, and paper and pens, and lots and lots of glue. I like my desk- but Mommy says I'm messy, so I have to be really careful. But don't I look pretty?!" She babbled, pirouetting around in a circle and spinning out of control.

"Gorgeous, Scar." Hanna giggled from the corner, beckoning her niece toward her as she leaned forward, whispering something into the child's ear with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Awesome!" She yelled, sprinting out of the room like a multicolored hurricane.

"I don't even want to know what you just said to her." Aria groaned, running a hand through her hair. Out of everyone, she'd probably changed the least- she was the only one who still got carded, too- with her shoulder length dark hair and wide brown eyes, and a figure that hadn't even altered after having her daughter, either.

"Well, she's occupied." Hanna dismissed, setting her cell phone down on the table next to her mug, "And so are we. We actually have rather a lot to talk about."

"Han, don't you think you're overreacting?" Aria pressed gently, "I mean, you only saw her briefly." Hanna rolled her eyes, cocking her head to the side in her signature indignation,

"I told you, I didn't technically see _her_, I saw her car."

"Wait, what?" Emily directed at her, sighing deeply in exasperation, "You're basing all of this on having seen a car that just so happened to be the same model. Do you not think it possible that they made more than one silver Toyota Highlander in the past ten years?"

"God, you've turned into Spencer." Hanna grumbled as she turned to face Emily fully, ignoring Aria's attempts to speak. "Anyway, do you want to hear the rest, or shall we just leave it at the conclusions you've jumped to?"

Aria let out something that resembled a cross between a snarl and a low groan. This had been happening a lot lately, Hanna's bad temperament, and although both she and Emily had been trying hard to empathize with her, there was only so much Hanna they could take.

"Besides, don't you think she's likely to have changed her car since high school? This is Spencer Hastings that we're talking about, I never knew her to wear the same piece of clothing twice."

Aria knew this was a bad idea, and that their weekend had been doomed ever since the blond had turned up on her doorstep with her mention of Spencer.

Spencer.

When she thought about it, she didn't even think she'd heard her name since she'd graduated college, maybe even before then. But it wasn't her that it bothered most. She missed her, for certain, she missed having her around, but she'd stopped hurting years ago- she'd grown up; having Scarlett had done that to her mainly. With Hanna, it still stung raw. The blond had never managed to forgive Spencer.

But it was Emily that worried her the most.

Emily. With her guarded passion and her heart on her sleeve. Emily, in her solemn solitude. Emily, who she knew was still reeling from having lost something more primordial than she could ever know.

And it was Emily, who was going to hurt again.

"There, does that look like a different car to you?" Hanna held out her cell phone to both Emily and Aria, the screen wide with a badly taken photograph and her face wide with victory. "Want to offer an explanation as to how every Highlander has a pink spray paint stain next to the license plate and a scratch next to the back left wheel?"

Emily glanced at Aria, obviously disconcerted. She had her theories, and was pretty certain that the brunette probably had made the same observations, but something about the picture had rung true in her ears. Like it or not, that car was definitely familiar. More than a car, a symbol. A symbol of them. A symbol of Spencer.

"Han," Aria said carefully, taking the blond's wrist and lowering the cell phone from where it was raised, weapon-esque, to Emily. "Do you think, maybe, she might have sold the car? To buy a new one, I mean?"

Hanna shook her head vehemently, her blond curls bouncing violently in indignation.

"I'm telling you. It's hers, and she's back. I swear, it parked in front of a house like fifteen minutes from here. And I don't know why or how, so don't ask me, but I swear to God, I know it was her."

"And you didn't stick around to see if, oh, I don't know, this car had a driver?" Emily asked incredulously, her patience for the blond wearing thin.

"Sorry, Em, but I didn't exactly feel like coming head to head with Spencer Hastings today."

"It's face to face, Han."

"What?" Hanna spat, confusion spreading all over her face.

"The expression, it's 'coming face to face'. What you were mixing it up is 'going head to head'."

"Oh." Hanna dismissed, "Whatever. Anyway, I didn't feel like having that particular confrontation today."

* * *

"Are you alright?" Aria asked gently as she sauntered into the kitchen. Emily was stood at the sink, her hands either side on the countertop, staring blankly out of the window. Even in her reflection, it was obvious that she'd been crying.

The taller girl nodded her head and Aria mimicked the action, slipping her hands into her jeans pockets in thought, as she stood watching her. The sun blazed in through the window, blindingly. In that moment, she could have been anywhere else.

"Hanna's right, you know."

It was Aria who spoke again. Emily swallowed hard, her hands detectably shaking against the countertop as she nodded once more. She didn't trust her voice. It wasn't like she'd never cried in front of the other woman before, but this was different. This was history. Forgotten matter from which she was supposed to have healed years ago. To cry now would be pathetic. To cry would be pitied, and Emily had had enough of that for a lifetime.

"Em?"

Batting her long eyelashes over the remnants of her tears, Emily turned to face her best friend across the room, careful not to move from the sink. She could tell that Aria wanted nothing more than to hug her, to comfort her and try to make it all better. But Emily was afraid that, if she let her, she'd start bawling and never stop. She needed it. She hadn't cried in far too long, and the scalding numbness was rising in her throat, emotion swirling like lava around her tonsils. Her body was betraying her.

"It's alright, you know. Missing her."

Aria was uncomfortable, Emily could tell. She'd known her far too long to be able to ignore that. It was killing her not being able to fix it. She'd always thought that Aria would have made a good therapist- listening to people, talking to people, fixing things. It's what she did best. With her, with Hanna, with Scarlett. It was part of what made her such a good mom. But she couldn't fix this. This gaping hole inside of Emily was unfixable. Emily was unfixable.

"I don't."

Her voice was stronger than she'd thought it would be. Aria raised her eyebrows skeptically, her big brown eyes searching Emily's face for some form of admittance of the truth.

"Em..."

"I don't, Aria. I don't miss her."

_You're lying_; a voice whispered inside her head, _you know you're lying._

"Em…"

_But who are you lying to?_

A door opened and shut somewhere around the house, the click of the lock followed by a deep voice calling out. A squeal and a laugh. Hanna's voice joined the mix and Aria's name was called again. It was five O'clock in paradise; a happiness that Emily had long forgotten reigned.

"In here!" Aria called out over her shoulder, her brow creased when she turned back to Emily, a stern look in her eye as she leaned forward- leaving her best friend with no choice but to face her fully. "When you're finally ready to admit how you're feeling, you know where I'll be."

* * *

"Hey, honey." She smiled as she reached up and wrapped her arms around the neck of the man walking into the room. He smiled into her lips as he kissed her affectionately, his briefcase dropping to the ground in order to hold her properly. The kiss deepened and her hand ran up his back to tangle her fingers into his thick black hair. Emily blushed and looked away from the pair awkwardly.

"Ewww!" Scarlett screamed as she ran full pelt into the room and wrapped herself around Emily's legs, screwing her nose up at the sight of her parents, "That's gross!"

Aria laughed and broke away; turning in the arms of her husband and leaning back against him, their fingers still entwined.

"What's so disgusting, little miss?" She asked, her eyes smiling affectionately at the little girl clinging to her aunt,  
"That. It's yucky." She pointed to her parents, her face pulled into a look of pure disgust, "Kissing. I'm never going to kiss a boy. Boys are yucky."

Ezra shook his head wearily, a bemused smile gracing his worn features.

"If only you'd keep that attitude." He laughed, kissing the side of Aria's head one last time before pulling away from her and squatting in front of his daughter, "You'll be all grown up and going on dates before we know it."

Scarlett shook her head again, her chocolate colored eyes wide with disapproval,  
"I don't think so, daddy." Her paint-covered hands patted the sides of his face condescendingly, smearing streaks of pink and blue across her father's stubble.

"Woah," He cried, seizing his daughter's wrists and holding her at arm's length, "What happened to you today?" Scarlett giggled, her whole face lit up with achievement, as she began explaining to her father exactly what she'd been doing.  
"You think that's bad," Aria interjected, "You should see her bedroom. It literally looks like a unicorn exploded."

Ezra quirked an eyebrow at his wife's simile, and Scarlett nodded fervently,  
"It looks pretty, daddy! It's pink and blue and yellow and orange…" She twirled round in a circle again, pointing at the different color paints splattered all over her body, "Just like me!"

He nodded slowly, a look of amusement crossing his face at the similarity between his wife and daughter- the idea of cleaning his daughter's room wasn't particularly appealing, but he was finding his daughters accomplishments rather amusing.

"Why, so you are." He acknowledged, "And I bet, if you went and got in the bathtub right now, the water would turn all those pretty colors too."

Scarlett gasped, her mouth falling open at the idea. She stopped spinning and staggered dizzily around, eventually falling back into Emily's legs; her aunt grabbed her shoulders to hold her steady, laughing all the while at her niece's behavior.

"You really think so?" She asked, mesmerized. He nodded, winking at Aria over her head as he reached for his daughter and swung her upside down over his shoulder,  
"There's only one way to find out."

"He's so good with her." Hanna smiled as she watched her goddaughter being carried off over her father's shoulder, giggling and waving upside down as he held her by the feet.  
"That he is." Aria agreed.

It meant the world to the brunette that her friends had accepted her marriage so easily, after the battle she'd had with her parents. In the end, it had even gotten to the stage where Mike had walked her down the aisle, after both of her parents refusing to do so. Her father had never even met Scarlett. But her friends had always been there for her, Hanna especially.

"God, I need to go shopping." She groaned as she opened the fridge, only to shut it again disappointedly. Hanna's ears pricked up, but looked sorely let down when she realized that her best friend wasn't referring to the kind that appealed to her. "We have literally no food."

She reached into her back pocket for her cell phone and began scrolling through her directory toward the section of restaurants that she kept for moments like these.  
"This is the twelfth time we've ordered takeout this month," She grumbled to Hanna and Emily, "Are you guys staying for dinner?"

Emily tried to hide the light that lit behind her eyes. In all honesty, she'd been hoping for an invitation since they'd pulled up outside Aria's place after school. When she wasn't with Aria's family, or Hanna and Caleb, the weekends were exceedingly lonely for Emily. Her parents had moved to Texas on a permanent basis the year she'd started college, and the idea of settling down was a fantasy best kept to the past and future. She glanced over to Hanna, her eyes flicking over the blond's face in the hope that she'd answer first; as desperate as she was not to have another lonely Friday evening of a frozen lasagna and a glass of cheap red wine, she couldn't help but feel like she was intruding on their family when she stayed without Hanna.

"Please." Hanna responded with a nod of relief, "I don't really think I can face going home just yet." Aria nodded sympathetically at her and turned to Emily with an expectant smile on her face,  
"You too, Em?"

The taller girl nodded with a sense of reprieve. As intrusive as it might feel on occasion, dinner with Aria and her family never failed to provide the feeling of familial comfort that she craved. In an odd way, the six of them had formed something resembling a family. A dysfunctional family that revolved around a never ending quest for normality.

"I always swore that I wouldn't be one of those moms who fed their kids junk food all the time, but Ezra's been working longer hours than usual and we've been really busy, and…"

"You know that you don't have to justify your eating habits to us, right?" Hanna laughed, reaching into the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water,  
"I know, God, when did our conversations get so lame?" She rolled her eyes and sent a weak smile in Emily's direction.  
"Probably when you both got married and I got a master's degree in education. Our lives just aren't particularly interesting anymore." Emily laughed, grabbing the bottle out of Hanna's hand and taking a sip.

"Boring marital sex isn't even in Hanna's interest." Aria agreed solemnly, scribbling out an order on a notebook pinned to the fridge,  
"At least you're still having sex." Hanna muttered darkly, her eyes narrowed in Aria's direction.

"Really? Things that bad with Caleb?" Emily asked curiously, turning toward the blond. Age had been kind to the blond, she'd kept the figure that she'd worked so hard for as a teenager, and she'd managed to keep any form of wrinkles at bay.  
"Four." She replied, widening her eyes emphatically,  
"Weeks?" Aria gasped, abandoning her Chinese order and directing her full attention to her best friend, "Really?"

Hanna groaned again, blushing bright red as she turned away from her best friends and rested her forehead dramatically against the wall behind her,  
"No." She moaned, "Months."

"Months!" Emily and Aria shrieked in unison, a note of laughter entering into both of their voices.  
"You haven't had sex in four months!" Aria was grinning now, unable to control herself as she crossed the room to her best friend and poked her in the ribs.

"Geez, Han. Who'd have thought that the first to give it up would be the first to dry up?" Emily smirked from where she watched the pair, relieved at the normalcy poking fun at Hanna brought to the three of them.

"Yeah, well, you're not one to talk." Hanna accused, a smile crossing her own face as she turned and pointed at Emily, "When was the last time you did the deed? I'll bet it's longer than four months."

"That's different." Emily blushed, "I'm not married."

"Yeah, well. I won't be either by the end of the month."

"What?" Aria whispered gently, all traces of satire gone from her voice as she reached out toward her best friend. Hanna nodded slowly, her lips pressed together numbly in a bad attempt to stop them trembling.

"Yep." She murmured sadly, "I served him the papers today. I've had them, for a while, I just wasn't ready until now. That's actually what I was on my way over to tell you when I saw her."

"Her car." Emily corrected, earning herself a disapproving look from Aria. "Sorry."

Shaking her head briskly, Hanna wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, careful not to smudge the minimalistic make up she was wearing.

"It's over now though, there's nothing to be done."

Aria smiled sadly at her, resting her hand against the small of her back and rubbing gentle circles over her silky white shirt. Hanna leant back into the touch and rested her head against Aria's shoulder, the muscles in her back beginning to untie themselves as her body met her best friends in a comfortable embrace. Her head rolled naturally into the crook of Aria's neck and her nose nestled into her collar bone, the sweet scent of the perfume she'd worn for fifteen years flooding through her senses. Warmth coursed through her veins at the touch of Aria's hands on the back of her neck and the curve of her hip as she pulled her closer, waiting for her tears to fall. Safety was hers in her arms.

There was nothing like the comfort of a best friend.


	3. I Forgot To Remember To Forget

Chapter Three- I Forgot to Remember to Forget

_"Come on, Han. How hard can it be?" Alison moaned across Aria's bedroom from where she was lounging on the brunette's bed, "Who, in our grade, would you do it with?" _

_Hanna blushed, her head bowed low into her chest as she avoided the four pairs of eyes all staring eagerly at her.  
"I don't know. Er, probably, Sean, probably." _

_"I knew it!" Aria squealed, reaching across and squeezing Hanna's knee, "You guys would look totally adorable together."_

_Alison smirked. _

_"Yeah, Sean's a minister's son- I'm sure he doesn't care about looks." _

_All eyes turned to the blond, who now had Aria's diary in her grasp and was flicking aimlessly through the pages. _

_"Alison!" Spencer growled incredulously, "What is _that_ supposed to mean?" _

_"Please," Alison glared in the direction of where you were sat with Spencer against Aria's closet door, "What is this, last virgin wins?" _

_"Alison." _

_There was a warning note in her voice this time, and even Ali was starting to look a little uncomfortable. _

_"Fine." She snapped, a sulky look crossing her face. "Spencer, your turn." _

_Spencer rolled her eyes, suddenly looking bored. _

_"Truth." _

_"First kiss." _

_A sly smile crossed the blond's face as she saw a blush creep up Spencer's neck and across her face. You feel sorry for her, but at the same time you're glad it's not you. _

_"I don't kiss and tell." She responds coyly, making you smile. _

_"Whatever, you don't kiss at all." _

_Spencer scowled and moved to take a swipe at Alison, and you grab hold of her arm to keep her sat down. _

_"Fine, you want to know who my first kiss was with?" Spencer asked, looking at each of the girls in turn, saving you for last, "You guys really want to know?" _

_She smiles slowly, her eyes meeting Alison in a wrestling match of type-A personalities. _

_Three nodding heads met her eyes._

_"Okay." She smiles, nodding her own head, and flicking her eyes over your face. _

_"It was Emily." _

_It takes a moment to register in your friends heads, and Spencer seizes that moment of confusion that everyone else in the room is experiencing to grab your face in her hands and press her lips to yours. _

_It's only a second and then both her hands and her lips are gone, a triumphant smile on her face as she turns back to Alison and the others. _

_"See, Emily." She states self-righteously, an I-told-you-so look in her eyes; the same look that she gets when she scores a goal or wins a debate. It's the I-got-an-A look. _

_For a second you think that you might be as important to her as an A grade. _

_For a second, you get butterflies. _

_Even Alison is speechless. Aria and Hanna have moved on now, they're on the phone with the pizza place; Hanna's ordering her usual and Aria's creating an edible artistic masterpiece. _

_Spencer's finally won the never ending battle between herself and Alison. _

_The night wears on, and soon you're settling down to sleep in Aria's bed between Alison and Hanna. Spencer's on the floor, and Aria's sleeping in a hammock that she made herself. _

_It's dark, but you can still see Spencer's face where she's sprawled out on the rug, her sleeping bag around her waist. _

_You've eaten pizza and popcorn, chocolate and ice cream- you've even brushed your teeth. _

_But all you can taste in strawberry lip gloss. _

_And it's not yours. _

* * *

"Hello?"

In all honesty, Emily had been surprised when her cell phone had started to ring. She'd only left Aria's a few hours ago, after having eaten dinner with Scarlett, Aria and Ezra; Hanna had offered her a ride home that she couldn't refuse. She hadn't been ready to leave, but the blond was going home and Scarlett was going to bed- and, despite Aria's insistence that she was welcome to stay, yet another evening with the couple didn't sound like fun. Besides, she didn't feel comfortable walking home alone in the dark, and she couldn't let Ezra drive her home like a teenage babysitter.

So she'd left. And now, she was home alone again on yet another Friday night. You'd settled down with your marking, to your delight, as there was nothing on TV and you'd read all of your books.

"Hi, Emily." Aria panted down the phone as she ran her hand through her hair, her stress levels rising as she spoke. "Are you busy?"

A small smile crossed Emily's face as she set down the stack of papers onto her table.

"Not particularly."

Aria let out a sigh of relief on the other end of the line,  
"Great. Em, I really need a favor."

"Sure." Emily nodded, tucking her phone between her shoulder and her ear as she got up and put her work away,

"Ezra's in the hospital and I need someone to watch Scarlett."

"Wait, what?!" Emily asked, startled, "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." Aria gabbled, "He's fine. He got into a car accident going to the store, but he's going to be fine. I just need to go down there and sign some papers and stuff, and I need someone to watch Scarlett while I go."

"Sure, sure." Emily empathized, looking frantically for her keys, "I'll be over in five."

Aria paused.

"Actually, Em, I was wondering if I could drop her at your place for the night? You know, it's going to be really late by the time we get back and I don't want to stress her out by seeing him all banged up. Besides, they might want to keep him in overnight if he's concussed or anything."

"Aria, it's fine." Emily laughed, "Of course she can stay with me."

"Great." Aria smiled, "We'll be there soon."

* * *

"Thanks again, Em." Aria sighed as she briefly hugged her best friend, "I really can't take her with me, and I didn't think it was fair to leave her with Hanna, what with everything between her and Caleb."

Emily nodded.

"Anyway, she should be super tired, I had to get her up to bring her over-"

"Ar?" Emily cut her off midsentence with a chuckle, taking the shorter woman by the shoulders and looking her carefully in the eyes. "It's no problem. She sleeps over all the time, she's no problem to have."

Aria smiled and nodded, gulping hard against tears that were pooling in her eyes.

"Thanks again, Em."

Emily closed her eyes as she pulled her best friend towards her and squeezed her tight, allowing Aria a minute to recompose herself away from Scarlett's concerned gaze.

"We will be fine, Ar. Go see your husband."

The smaller girl shuddered a little as Emily let her go, making sure she was steady on her feet before she let her go completely.

"Drive safe, Aria."

The brunette bent and kissed her daughter's forehead quickly, giving Emily's hand one last squeeze before tearing out of the apartment as quickly as she'd come.

Emily watched as she ran down the hall without looking back, closing the door once she'd turned the corner, and leaning against the heavy wooden frame as she found her niece's eyes across the room.

"It's been a long night, huh?" Scarlett asked with her hands on her hips and her tone matter of fact.

Emily chuckled, bemused at the little girl's behavior.

"Yes, Scar. A very long night."

Scarlett nodded, sitting herself down on Emily's couch. Sensing the sadness in the child's voice, Emily joined her, mimicking her niece's body language and sitting on the opposite side of the couch.

"Is everything okay?" She asked her gently, looking intently at Scarlett. She'd curled herself up into a ball in the corner of the couch, hugging her legs with her chin resting on her knees. Her mother's eyes opened and looked straight up at Emily, full of worry.

"What's going on, Auntie Emily?" She asked quietly, biting her lip. Emily sighed; it wasn't really her place to have this conversation.

"Well, what did your mom tell you?" She asked diplomatically, turning towards her niece.

"Only that daddy was hurt and that I was going to have a sleepover at yours while she went to help him get better."

Emily nodded, reaching out and scooping her goddaughter into her arms, pulling her onto her lap.

"That's true." She confirmed, "Your daddy had a little accident, and your mommy needs to go to the hospital to help the doctors make him better."

"Why can't I go? I could help make him better. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, I have a steth- a steth- a stesiscop." She stuttered,  
"A stethoscope?" Emily offered with a smile,  
"Yes." Scarlett agreed, "I could help make him better!"

There was no arguing with her logic, that was for sure.

"I'm sure you could, but children aren't allowed in the hospital at night." She lied quickly, kissing the top of her niece's head as she relented and fell back into her chest.

"Was that everything?" She asked her, rocking the little girl gently in her arms. Scarlett seemed to think for a minute before shaking her head against Emily's chest.

"No," She answered slowly, sitting up and straddling her aunt's lap, her tiny hands holding onto Emily's shoulders, "What's happening with Aunt Hanna and Uncle Caleb?"

Emily shook her head slowly, amazed at quite how perceptive Scarlett was for just six years old. She saw it all the time in class; Scarlett was a good percentage ahead of the rest of her grade, and she'd never met a more extroverted child.

"I don't really know, Scar." She answered honestly. That was for Hanna to tell Scarlett; besides, no one had ever been sure what had been happening with Hanna and Caleb.

"Okay."

Emily reached out her hand and smoothed back the curls that had fallen into Scarlett's eyes,  
"Anything else bothering you?" She asked.

Out of everything in the world, her niece was the thing that she cherished the most. If it weren't for the child sat on her knee, she knew that she would have moved on long ago. But she couldn't bear to leave her behind.

The bond between the two of them had always been strong, she'd known the child her whole life, and had never gone longer than a week without seeing her. Scarlett had been her rock.

The little girl had become her best friend.

"No." Scarlett yawned, screwing up her eyes tight and stretching out backwards. "I'm not tired!" She quickly asserted at the look on her aunt's face.

Emily laughed.

"Scarlett Montgomery-Fitzgerald, you may be the most stubborn person that I have ever met."

Scarlett smiled and yawned again, snuggling back into her aunt's shoulder and wrapping her arms around her neck.

"Okay, maybe I'm a little tired." She admitted, wrapping her legs around Emily's waist tightly.

Emily smiled, kissing the child's temple and getting up from the couch- with her niece still wrapped around her- and making her way toward the linen closet.

"Auntie Emily?" Scarlett murmured, lifting her head up off of her shoulder and yawning again, "Can I sleep in your bed with you tonight?"

"Of course you can, sweetheart." Emily nodded, closing the door to the closet and opening her bedroom door.

Still holding the little girl in her arms, Emily bent forward and turned down the sheets, laying Scarlett down gently against the mattress and easing out of the child's grip and standing upright.

"I'll be in in a minute, okay?" She whispered to her niece, who was already half asleep. Scarlett murmured something in response and allowed her aunt to tuck her in. Emily whispered goodnight and kissed her niece's forehead before grabbing something to sleep in and making her way to the bathroom.

* * *

"Mommy! Mommy!"

Emily woke with a start at the sudden outburst next to her. Scarlett had kicked the sheets off of her and was writhing violently on the bed, soaked in a cold sweat with tears streaming down her face.

"Mommy!"

Suddenly not tired at all, Emily reached a hand across to the child next to her, cupping the back of her head softly as she fumbled for the light switch with the other.

"Scar?" She called, pressing her (now free) hand against the little girl's stomach to still her, stroking her hair softly with her thumb. "Scarlett, honey, what's wrong?"

Scarlett blinked furiously in the bright light, her eyes wandering around the room briefly before hurling herself into her godmother's arms.

"I had a nightmare, Auntie Emmy."

Emily smiled, breathing a sigh of relief as she swung the little girl into her arms, resting her comfortably in her lap.

"A nightmare?" She asked softly, pressing her niece's still shaking body into her own as she dimmed the light again- light enough to see by, but not so bright that it hurt her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Scarlett shook her head as a fresh batch of tears began to fall down her enflamed cheeks.

"Okay."

As far as Emily was aware, Scarlett had never had a nightmare before- never, at least, when she'd stayed with her. It was easy, at times, to forget how young she was: she never had had any of the typical childish tendencies. No nightmares, no monsters in her closet, no fussy eating. In fact, Scarlett was more mature than most of the people that Emily had known in high school.

"My daddy died."

The whisper was even less audible than Emily though was possible, and as soon as she'd uttered it, she felt Scarlett burst into tears again.

Without shifting their positions at all, she began to rock the child gently against her chest, holding her niece in a loose cradle and stroking her hair softly as she attempted to calm herself down.

"That's not going to happen." She promised her, "Your daddy's going to be just fine."

Scarlett nodded into Emily's chest and sniffed, holding onto her aunt tighter.

"And then my mommy left me."

Emily stiffened at those words. Aria's problem to deal with or not, her daughter contemplating total abandonment was something that needed eradicating immediately.

"Hey!" Emily pulled back from Scarlett's embrace and pulled the little girl upright in front of her, pushing her hair back off of her face and looking her dead in the eyes, "Your mommy loves you more than anything in the world. She would never, ever leave you. Okay?"

Scarlett nodded reluctantly, reaching for her aunt's necklace and twisting it around in her fingers, avoiding looking too deeply into Emily's eyes.

"I guess…" She murmured, "But what if? If both of them died?"

Emily groaned.

"Scarlett, neither of your parents is going to die."

Scarlett frowned, placing her hands either side of her aunt's face and forcing her to look at her.

"But _what if_?"

Emily sighed, relenting finally and removing the child's hands from her face.

"Well, _if _both of your parents mysteriously disappeared, then you'd probably either have to live with me, or with Aunt Hanna."

Scarlett nodded slowly and Emily could almost hear the cogs whirring in her head as she tried to process what she'd heard.

"Why?"

"Ugh," Emily moaned, "Because we're your godmothers, and we live near you, and we've known you since you were born. Okay?"

"How would they choose?"

"What?" Emily was growing tired of their conversation now. She'd only ever known one person as stubborn as Scarlett, and this reminded her too much of their conversations.

"How would they choose?"

"How would who choose what?" Emily sighed.

"How would they choose who I lived with?" Scarlett pressed on.

Seeing that this was bothering her niece, Emily sat up and looked the little girl solidly in the eyes.

"Well, as I'm your teacher, it wouldn't be quite right for you to live with me, even though I'm your aunt, so it'd probably be Aunt Hanna. Besides, she makes more money than I do."

Scarlett nodded, seemingly satisfied.

"Okay."

"Okay." Emily accepted, relaxing again and letting Scarlett fall back against her.

With her niece rested safely against her chest, Emily pulled the sheets back over the two of them and reached up to turn out the light completely. She smiled as she felt Scarlett snuggle far enough under the sheets that her head was resting on her stomach.

In comfortable silence, Emily laced her fingers through her goddaughter's and closed her eyes.

"Auntie Em?" Scarlett whispered from somewhere under the sheets.  
"Yeah?"

"Who's Spencer?"

Emily froze. Her whole body stiffened and her heart skipped two beats.

"Where did you hear that name?" She asked carefully once she'd regained her breath. Scarlett wriggled around a little until she was near enough Emily and poked her head out from under the sheets.

"Mama was talking about her to you, and to Auntie Hanna, and she was crying about her tonight to daddy."

Emily gulped.

"Your mommy was crying about Spencer?"

Scarlett nodded.

"Really hard. She was crying and crying, and she kept saying that she couldn't do it again. Daddy was really worried. He shouted at me and he only shouts when he's scared. Mommy says it's a 'reflex'."

Emily hummed something in agreement, stroking her niece's unruly curls absentmindedly,  
"Yes, honey, it's a reflex."

Scarlett nodded knowingly.

"A reflex. But anyway, mommy kept saying 'Spencer'."

Emily shook her head sadly.

"Spencer's someone we used to know. A very, very long time ago."

Her niece had perked up dramatically from her sleepy state and was now sitting bolt upright in bed, her legs crossed and her hands playing with the feet of her footie pajamas.

"How come you don't know her anymore?" She asked curiously, "You and mama and Aunt Hanna have known each other a very long time, and you're still friends."

Emily thought for a moment. Something she'd found from teaching children was that their logic was far superior to adults.

"I don't really know, Scar."

Scarlett shrugged her little shoulders in thought.

"What was she like?" The child pressed on, pursing her lips as she tried to piece together all of the new information she'd collected. She'd tried asking Hanna about Spencer, but she'd seemed angry at her questions. Emily never got angry with her though.

Emily was her favorite.

"What, Spencer?" Emily asked, "She had dark brown hair, brown eyes. Really skinny. Probably the smartest person I'd ever met. She's funny, loyal, and very, very kind. She was also infuriating, childish and overly competitive. She was a lot like you, actually."

Scarlett giggled.

"She was the best friend I ever had."

Scarlett frowned, her curls bouncing as she shook her head sadly.

"I don't have a best friend."

Emily smiled. Scarlett was about the age now as she was when she'd first met Hanna, Aria and Alison. Spencer she'd met long before then. But it had been years before she'd been able to call them her best friends.

"You will." She assured her, "And, when you find her, it'll be the happiest day of your life. Having a best friend is the most important thing you'll ever find in life. Because they'll always be there for you."

A look of confusion formed on Scarlett's face, her brow furrowing as she tried to make sense of what her aunt was telling her.

"But Spencer's not here for you now." She pointed out, her hands on her hips and her lips pursed.

Emily shook her head, taking Scarlett's hand in her own as she looked her straight in the eyes, all traces of light conversation vanished.

"She was, and will always be, my best friend. No matter what happens between us. You'll probably hear her name a lot as you grow up, but remember this: she never meant to hurt us."

* * *

**A/N**

Long awaited, but hopefully worth it.

I'm loving the response to this story so far. It's definitely not a oneshot anymore, but I'm unsure of how long it will be. How long do **you** want it?

Let me know what you think: good or bad.

~LaughLoveLiveXx


	4. With Arms Outstretched

Apologies once again for my lack of updates as of late. I really need to be hounded about it if I have any hope of getting anything done.

For those of you who are asking where Spencer is: well, she may be making an appearance sooner than you realize. Keep your eyes open.

Hope you guys enjoy it.

Review if you have any idea of what's going on : )

* * *

Chapter Four- With Arms Outstretched

_There's just enough light coming from the gap between the curtains for her to cast a shadow as she slips inside your bedroom. An elongated thin shadow across your cream carpet. She sniffles and the sheets move and she climbs into bed beside you. _

_"He broke up with me." She whispers. _

_You contemplate asking her how she got here so late at night, but the temperature of her body answers that for you. She's frozen. Her feet are numb against yours and you worry briefly about her health. _

_She begins to cry and it freezes you internally. You've never seen her cry before. _

_Deep, heart wrenching sobs. Adult-like sobs. _

_And your comfort's childlike. _

_You don't know what you can say or what to do as she grabs onto you and clings to your bare shoulders, soaking your skin with her tears. _

_You've never been in a situation like this before. _

_But neither has she. _

_It's her first break-up, her first heartbreak. _

_The first time she'd given her heart to someone and had it ripped from her chest. _

_You're angry. You're going to hunt him down and rip him apart, with your bare hands if you have to; you would, if you thought it would make it better. _

_You don't know what to do so you maneuver your body to mirror hers and you squeeze her tight around the waist. Your arms feel like they might break with the force that you're holding her with, but you don't let go because she's holding you back just as tight. _

_Spencer's face is buried in your neck, her nose pressed deep into your collar bone. It's an odd sensation, but you like being like this with her. _

_Rubbing her back you murmur pathetic attempts at comfort into her hair. In all the movies you've seen, they worked. But not for Spencer. _

_"It'll be alright," you whisper, kissing her temple. You've never kissed her before. She's kissed you, in a desperate bid to overthrow Alison's ego. But you've never kissed her. _

_It's nice, though. The feeling of her hot skin against your soft lips, and in the darkness you can almost see the outline of your lips, encrusted on her pale skin in the shine of your chap stick. _

_She'd stopped crying, and you take that as a positive sign. _

_But she hasn't let go. _

_"Em?" She murmurs, moving her wet lips against the skin of your chest, "What am I going to do?" _

_"You'll be fine, Spence." You whisper confidently. _

_"I really liked him, Em." She sniffles, "I liked him, and he made me happy. I thought I loved him, maybe."_

_"People are always ruining things for you." You mutter bitterly. _

_She raises her head just high enough off of your chest to look you quizzically in the eye, using your stomach as a rest for her hand, and near enough cutting off your breathing. _

_"The Catcher in the Rye?" She asks, "I didn't know you'd read it." _

_You nod. _

_"Of course I read it. You lent it to me, I couldn't not." _

_She smiles, lying back down on the bed and resting her head on your pillow. There's a moment of quiet as you follow suit and roll over to face her, and she squirms closer- almost touching your noses together. _

_"I'm sorry, you know." You say earnestly, "That it didn't work out for you. I know he made you happy." _

_She nods, and you notice that the tears are disappearing from her face. She's stopped shaking too, but you'd rather keep as close to her as you were under the pretense of keeping her steady. _

_She hasn't pulled away though. _

_"It's not your fault." She murmurs through a yawn. "But thank you. For being sorry, and for letting me crash here. And for listening to me wail about my pathetic break up. And for not punching me when I got your tank all wet." _

_You roll your eyes and smile at her, muttering a quiet 'you're welcome' that you don't care if she heard or not. _

_"Do you want to borrow some pajamas, Spence?" You ask, giving her a poke in the shoulder to jolt her from her sleep-like state, "you can't sleep in your jeans." _

_She nods, and then shakes her head. Sitting up in bed, she pulls of her blazer, then her jeans and folds them neatly before dropping them to the floor beside the bed and crawling back into bed with you. _

_Her legs are cold against yours, and there's something about her being in her underwear in bed with you that you find odd- but not unpleasant. _

_She bids you goodnight and turns out the light, rolling over away from you and falling asleep almost instantly, as you knew she never did on her own._

_And you realize, as you lay in the dark, listening to her breathing, that you've never felt the same towards anyone, as you do about Spencer Hastings._

* * *

"Hanna!" Emily shouted toward the phone, which lay -on loudspeaker- on the kitchen counter, "Please don't divulge those kinds of details. You're on speakerphone, and your niece is here."

"Sorry," She said, without sounding it. "I'll tell you later. Why do you have Scarlett, anyway?"

Emily grabbed the phone off of the counter and lifted it to her ear, glancing over her shoulder to check on her niece quickly before shutting herself in her bedroom.

"She was dropped off last night after-" she began, "wait. Aria didn't tell you?"

Of course she hadn't. Hanna had never been known to cope especially well under stress and Aria had explicitly said that she hadn't wanted to burden Hanna, given her situation.

"Ezra was in a car accident late last night." She divulged through gritted teeth, "Aria brought Scarlett by at around eleven."

Emily heard Hanna gasp.

"Whoa. Is Aria alright?"

There was a pang in Emily's chest at that. For as long as she could remember, Aria had meant more to Hanna than anything in the world- to the extent that Hanna had more wedding pictures with Aria than with Caleb.

There had been someone who looked out for Emily that way, but she was long gone. Now those kaleidoscope eyes were nothing but an ache in her chest.

"She's fine. And so is Ezra, by the way." She added dryly.

Hanna explained something about having to go, and sent a message to Scarlett telling her she had to stop by soon. They said their goodbyes and Emily hung up, sliding her phone into her pocket as she picked up the red button down blouse that she'd chosen and returned to her niece.

"Oh snap!" She exclaimed as she switched on the iron, scalding herself with the steam.

Scarlett giggled.

"You think this is funny?"

Scarlett nodded,  
"Auntie Em?" She smiled, "You have to admit it is a little funny. You forgot to button up your pants too."

Emily rolled her eyes, reaching for her zipper and pulling her jeans into place, before sticking out her burnt arm and holding it under the running water.

"Shit." She murmured as the water stung her skin. Scarlett smirked into her cereal,  
"Don't worry," she grinned, still fixated on the Tom and Jerry cartoon on the TV, "I won't tell my mommy."

It was ten minutes later and the water was still stinging hard against the blistering flesh of her forearm that Emily gave herself up to a day of sitting in the ER. It wasn't going to get better, and from the way the skin had broken it looked like she was going to need medical attention.

"Hey, Scar?" She called to the little girl on her couch, "Can you run to my bedroom and grab a tank top out of the top drawer?"

Scarlett smiled, setting her cereal bowl down on the table and running past her godmother, returning only second later with a clean white top in her hands.

Emily took it gratefully, and with some effort pulled it over her head.

"I need to go to the hospital and get this checked out, okay?" She explained, finding her keys quickly and checking in her pocket for her phone. "I'm going to call for a cab, and when we get there you can go see your dad while I get my arm dealt with."

Scarlett shook her head.

"My daddy has my mommy with him. Who's going to hold your hand while you're there? My mommy always says that everyone needs someone to hold their hand when they visit the doctor- especially with an ouchie."

"Okay," Emily laughed, "We'll go see your dad together afterward, right?"

Scarlett nodded fervently.

"Once you're better."

* * *

"See, you _did_ need someone to hold your hand." Scarlett grinned smugly as she pulled her aunt from the hospital room by the hand, her eyes fixed on Emily's face. "Please don't cry, Auntie Em, I don't want to see you hurt."

With a smile, Emily wrapped her free arm around her goddaughter and pulled her into her side as they walked down the hallway of the hospital.

"Don't worry, it's not that bad." She assured her.

"It looks that bad." Scarlett pointed out, "It's all black and red and yucky and ew."

Emily chuckled.

"Thanks a lot. Did you like seeing the doctor use his funny magnifying glass thing?"

"Yes, that's what I want for Christmas. I want to be a doctor when I grow up."

Emily ruffled her hair softly.

"I have no doubt you will be, you'll be the best doctor ever."

"Can I be the best doctor ever with a candy bar?" She asked, pointing in the direction of the vending machine in the waiting room.

Rolling her eyes, Emily reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of change and handed a dollar's worth to Scarlett.

"Go ahead, I'm just going to make a quick call to your mom and ask what room your dad's in. I'll be right over here."

Emily spoke absent mindedly to Aria as she watched her goddaughter scamper across the busy waiting room, weaving in and out of peoples legs.

Emily had always wanted children, but she was beginning to worry that she'd never have them. Partially, that was why she'd trained to teach the first grade- she wanted children in her life, her own or not. For her they represented innocence- most of the kids she taught had never experienced any trauma bigger than your average sibling rivalry. She missed that. She and her friends had lost their innocence far too young.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" She asked as Scarlett bounded back to her, with the money still in her hand. "Why didn't you get anything?"

Scarlett shook her head, shying away behind Emily's leg.

"There's a policeman over there, talking to a man. The man looks scary."

Emily nodded, scanning the room fruitlessly.

"Okay, what does the scary man look like?" she asked gently, crouching down to the child's level.

"He was sitting down, but he looks tall. Taller than daddy, I think. Taller than you. And his eyes were funny."

"What do you mean his eyes were funny?" Emily was getting concerned now, she'd seen a lot in the press lately about suspected assaults and she wanted to keep Scarlett as far away as she could from anyone being questioned by the police.

"Blue. Really, really blue. Like my tongue when I drink Gatorade. But more blue."

Emily nodded solemnly, she didn't think that it sounded like the cop sketch of the assaulter that she'd seen in the paper, and relaxed a little.

"Do you want me to come with you to the vending machine now?"

Scarlett shook her head slowly, handing Emily back the handful of change.

"I'm not hungry anymore. Maybe later."

* * *

"Aria, I will be fine for fifteen minutes whilst you and Emily go and get a coffee. You've been up all night, and Emily looks as rough as you do. Go."

Aria frowned concernedly at her husband, ruffling her daughter's hair absentmindedly as she did.

"But will you be alright? With Scarlett, I mean. We can take her with us, if you need some rest?" Ezra chuckled and rolled his eyes, reaching out an arm and using it to swing his daughter onto the bed beside him.

"Aria, I've got a minor concussion and a couple of bruised ribs, I'm not dying. If I get anymore rest, however, I probably will be dead."

Scarlett snuggled further under her father's arm and rested her head against his shoulder, shaking her head at her mother.

"Mommy, we'll be fine. I know how to be a nurse." She said seriously, her lips forming a pout. Aria nodded,  
"Yes you do baby," She affirmed, "Ezra, if you need anything I've got my cell."

With Emily's hand on her shoulder, Aria turned and left the room shakily- her blood sugar having dropped severely over the sleepless night.

"How are you?" Emily asked softly, guiding her best friend toward the cafeteria.

"Yes." Aria replied, looking tiredly at the cafeteria doors.

"Well, that indirectly answers my question." Emily murmured, walking up to the counter and ordering the same two drinks she'd asked for practically every day since they were fifteen.

"Sorry, I didn't sleep much last night." Aria said as she dropped down at the table nearest the counter, watching as Emily sat down next to her and slid her cup across the table.

"Neither did I." Emily sympathized, sipping deeply on her Americano and sighing, "Scarlett had a nightmare."

Aria's eyes opened wider, suddenly far more alert than she had been.

"She had a nightmare? That never happens. Sorry, Em, if I'd known she was going to keep you up I never would have brought her over so late."

Emily shook her head, "It's fine, she calmed down pretty quick. She had a lot of questions though."

"Questions?"

Emily swallowed a gulp of coffee thoughtfully before setting it down on the table, using the cup to warm her hands. "Yeah, questions about everything. Who would look after her if both you and Ezra died?; what's going on with Hanna and Caleb? That kind of thing."

Aria nodded slowly, "I should have known this was coming. Why did she wait to talk to you, rather than ask me?"

Aria sounded slightly hurt now, and she looked away ashamedly from Emily.

"I don't know, she probably just thought of it when she woke up. You've always been a bit of a night-owl, remember? You used to call us in the middle of the night for no reason."

Aria chuckled, "Hey! I was not that bad! Spencer was way worse."

Emily froze, and a cold air seemed to fall between the two of them.

"Sorry."

Emily shook her head sadly, "It's alright. Scarlett asked about her too. She wanted to know what had happened between us all."

Aria hummed softly, her brow creasing perplexedly.

"She really doesn't remember her at all does she?"

Emily shook her head again, "Only from pictures and from what she's picked up from us. She doesn't know if she ever met her or not. I thought that it was your place to decide what she knew and what she didn't."

The smaller girl twisted her mouth into a grimace, raising her eyebrows comically, "Well, it's not like I can explain it, is it? I hardly know what happened myself."

"Still trying to believe that, huh?" Emily tone hardened, her voice becoming bitter.

"I don't know what I believe anymore, Em. If you know what happened, tell me."

Emily scowled.

"I didn't say I did. All I meant was that we should never have stopped trying to find out."

Rolling her eyes in exasperation, Aria slammed her empty cup on the table.

"We had to, Em. We couldn't take it any further. We tried, and we lost her anyway. Okay? I've moved on, Hanna's moved on, and you know what? Spencer probably has too. And I know this is hard for you to hear, but you _need_ to let go."

Emily gulped hard, staring firmly at her hands.

"How can you do this? How can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't care about her anymore? She was _our_ best friend. You loved her just as much as I did; the only difference is that you gave up. I didn't."

Shaking her head, she got up from the table and walked past her best friend quickly, not wanting her to see how much her words had hurt her. Tears were beginning to spill out of her eyes. That was the only good thing about being in a hospital, she thought, lots of people cried there- and no one knew what to say to those people, so they just left them alone.

That was all she wanted from strangers. For them to leave her alone.

She walked through the hallways alone, wandering aimlessly up and down the whitewashed corridors, deftly avoiding the chaos of the people surrounding her. Tears clouded her vision and she saw nothing but the blurs of shapes around her. If she were in a movie, she thought, the camera would be firmly fixed on the end of the corridor, and the focus would be soft on everyone else. Blurry. Just shapes and sounds- no faces, no voices.

She walked in a daze around the maze like building, along the corridors and up the stairs- taking the longest routes she could to avoid having to come to a definite destination. She liked the stairs anyway- on the stairs there was no chance of being stuck in a confined space with strangers, like in the elevator. She didn't have to talk. She just walked. Up and up and up the spiraling steps.

When she could finally go no further, she braced her hands against the railings and leaned forward as far as she could, looking deep down into the center of the spiral. She could see right down to the lobby from there, and she could see anyone climbing the steps. One person, she counted as she scanned the abyss of steps, two people. She closed her eyes for a second, leaning further and further forward, so far that her feet almost left the floor. In that instant, she felt as though she could fly, with her eyes tight shut and the air tempting her feet. So light that she was weightless. So alone that she was needless.

And that was when she saw them, as she opened her eyes.

The bruised and broken girl, with the face of an angel and the scars of a villain. The ghost of a girl behind a pair of hazel eyes.

And the dark and bitter man, with the fists of a devil and the face of a hero. The shadow of a man with piercing blue eyes- eyes bluer than the blue of Gatorade.

The bluest eyes that Emily had ever seen.


	5. No Light, No Light

Chapter Five- No Light, No Light

_"Hold still!" You command, grabbing her by the shoulders and walking her backward toward the bed, forcing her to sit against the mattress. "I need to have a look." _

_She pouts sulkily, but reluctantly raises her shirt, showing you her ghostly white skin. _

_"Well, you've made a right mess of that." You murmur, pressing your hands either side of her navel and squeezing the skin ever so slightly. She flinches and you stop, not wanting to hurt her more than she's hurt herself already. _

_"Ouch!" She shrieks. _

_You pull your hands away and begin searching through your top drawer for your emergency first aid kit. _

_"Tell me again why you decided to try and pierce it yourself?" You ask as you find the box and click it open.  
She smiles, embarrassed.  
"My mom wouldn't let me get it done, and I thought it looked good. So I tried with a needle." _

_You groan. _

_"Spencer!" _

_You can tell she regrets it already, so you ease off her a little. She's obviously in a great deal of pain, and it's you she expects to be sympathetic. _

_"Lay back." You say gently, giving her a light nudge on the shoulder as you tear open an antiseptic wipe and shake it out. With one hand pressed firmly against her stomach, you carefully begin to wipe away the blood that's accumulated on her stomach.  
"Geez, Em, that stings!" She shrieks, reaching out and gripping your forearm. _

_You roll your eyes. _

_"And it didn't hurt when you tried to pierce your own belly button?"_

_She scowls, but a small smile twitches at the corners of her lips. _

_"A little." _

_You laugh and push her gently back against the bed, having cleared away most of the blood on her stomach and now able to see the full extent of her idiocy. _

_"Spence…" You moan exasperatedly, as you carefully try to ease the tiny piece of broken needle out of her navel with a pair of tweezers. "Are you sure you won't go to the hospital? I don't want to mess it up…" _

_Propping herself up on her elbows, Spencer raises her eyebrows at you sarcastically. _

_"Em, I highly doubt you can mess it up any more than I already have. Please, I can't go to the ER- they'll tell my mom and she'd kill me." _

_You smirk, and warn her quickly to brace herself as you pluck the last of the metal from the swelling mess. She screams and you wince, but you feel a sense of accomplishment. _

_"Almost done, now." You reassure her as you open a bandage and spread it over her stomach, securing it tightly with medical tape. _

_"Thanks." She smiles sheepishly, giving you an awkward hug and wincing as your stomach touches hers. _

_"So, how come you came here?" You ask her as you pile all of your equipment back into the small first aid box and place it back into your drawer; you knew for a fact that Spencer had several cousins who were qualified doctors, not to mention her dad having funded most of the Rosewood's medical staff on sponsorships. _

_"Well I couldn't go to a doctor- they'd tell my mom." She said, sitting up against your pillows and fiddling with her bandage, "and I figured since your mom is, like, super protective she'd probably have all of the medical stuff to fix it. I didn't expect you to fix it though, Em- I would have done it myself."_

_You giggle. _

_"Because you've shown so much medical expertise today." _

_She rolls her eyes and laughs. _

_"I guess you're right. Thanks, Em- again." _

_You smile, sitting down next to her on your bed and placing your hand on her thigh. _

_"What would you do without me?" You joke, resting your head against her shoulder. She shakes her head slowly. _

_"I don't know, Em. Probably die. I wouldn't make it without you."_

_You smile at the sentiment, though you know it isn't true. She's easily the strongest person you've ever met. _

_But it's nice to know that you're needed. _

* * *

"Hey, Em, it's okay. Just breathe." Hanna soothed, holding Emily's hand tightly with one hand and rubbing the girls back with her other as she panted hysterically into a paper bag. "Just take a deep breath, Em; it's going to be okay."

Emily nodded slowly, her eyes still streaming with tears and the paper bag crumpled up in her hand. Hanna smiled at her, reaching out a hand and wiping one of her best friend's tears off of her face.

"Shh," She whispered, "It's all okay now."

Emily relaxed a little, her breathing evening out into a slightly rapid pace, and slumped back against the tan leather armchair that she and Hanna were both sat on.

"I'm sorry."

Hanna shook her head with a laugh, pulling a hair tie off her wrist and using it to pull Emily's long, dark hair back off of her shoulders.

"Don't be. There's a reason I'm your emergency contact- it's for when you collapse in public places and need someone to come pick you up."

Emily grimaced.

"Sorry, still. God my head hurts."

Hanna smiled sympathetically, guiding Emily forward and cupping her head in her hands,  
"Well, you hit your head pretty hard. The doctor said to keep you awake and well hydrated, but I can see any sign of a bruise."

"Ugh," Emily groaned, rubbing two fingers across the top of her skull, "I feel like someone whacked me with a sledgehammer."

Hanna laughed.  
"Close, you fell down two flights of stairs. That's got to have done some damage."

Pressing her lips together, Emily averted her eyes from Hanna, concentrating on her lap.

"I didn't fall for no reason." She admitted quietly, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

"I figured." Hanna said with a sigh, "You never were clumsy. What happened?"

Emily shook her head.

"It was stupid."

"Well, falling down two flights of stairs and knocking yourself unconscious was hardly a smart move, either."

Emily glared at her.

"I was chasing someone."

Hanna sighed, closing her eyes in exasperation and leaning back against the cushioned back of the chair.

"Spencer." She murmured, biting her lip.

Emily gasped.

"How did you know?"

She shook her head, opening her eyes and staring at her best friend quizzically, "There aren't many people you'd chase after, Em."

Emily smiled sheepishly.

"I guess not."

Hanna was silent for a moment as she scanned Emily's face for any sign of achievement, or happiness. Any kind of success. Not that the blond was particularly expectant, or even hopeful, but she hoped for Emily's sake that she had at least found some kind of closure.

"She wasn't alone, was she?" She sighed, reading her vacant expression.

Emily shook her head slowly, her bottom lip wavering.

"No, Hanna, she was with him." She whispered.

The blond opened her arms and pulled her best friend against her chest, stroking her tangled hair in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

"Em, I'm so sorry."

"She was bruised, Hanna." She sobbed, "She was bruised, and battered and she didn't look like Spencer anymore. She had a broken wrist. And her eyes had these huge bags around them. It was like she looked right through me, Han."

Hanna flinched at the picture Emily had created in her head.

"Was he…?" She asked softly.

"No." Emily said coldly, "He was fine."

* * *

It was late by the time that Emily actually got back to her apartment. Despite her constant reassurance that she really was fine, and that all she really wanted to do was go home and relax in front of the TV in her pajamas, Hanna had insisted that Emily stayed within her sight until the twelve hour caution period (for her concussion) was over. Once Emily had gotten over the awkwardness in Hanna's house between her and Caleb, who had hardly surfaced whilst she'd been there, she'd managed to have a good time. She'd felt recently that her friendship with Hanna was somewhat strained- it took more work to maintain than either of their relationships with Aria. But she seemed to have fixed that now.

It had only taken an afternoon of husband bashing and a gallon of Cookie Dough ice cream for Hanna and Emily to have reconciled entirely from the plethora of arguments they'd had of late.

With a sense of accomplishment at the thought, she threw her purse onto the floor beside the door and glanced around the room. She hadn't left too much of a mess this morning, which gladdened her- she really couldn't face cleaning now- the dishes from breakfast and the iron were out of place.

Tying her hair back, Emily absentmindedly pressed the voicemail button on her landline and began piling dishes in the sink. She was one of the very few people she knew who still had a landline; Hanna hadn't even bothered installing one when she'd moved house and Aria only had because the brightly colored seventies-style handset looked the part.

_'You have four new voicemails.' _

The automated voice rang out coldly across the kitchen and Emily smiled as her mom's voice began to play. Another perk of using a landline was that hardly anyone had the number- her parents and closest friends only. This had, of course, been deliberate- when she'd gotten the phone, she'd made a point of only giving the number to a select amount of people, no colleagues or girlfriends.

It was comforting to pick up the phone and expect the caller.

_'…so, anyway, I'm sure I'll see you soon. You really must come and visit sometime, Em. Give me a call. I love you.'_

The machine bleeped again and her mother's voice faded in and out once more. Another bleep. Another voice.

_'Hey, Em. Look, I'm sorry about what happened today. I shouldn't have said that stuff. Call me back when you get this. Love you.'_

Aria. Another familiar voice. Emily smiled thoughtfully, scrubbing at a dish and placing it on the drying rack. She'd forgotten almost entirely about the argument she'd had with the brunette earlier that day and had cooled off entirely.

Lost in her thoughts and resolving to call Aria back as soon as her hands were dry, she almost didn't hear the last beep of the machine.

Quietly, it crackled, like a fire spitting as it roared into life. She could hear a voice, loud but muffled- distant. The voice wasn't by any means close to the phone, it sounded as though it was at least a few rooms away. And completely separate to the heavy breathing she could hear mixed in with it.

Nervous breathing. Soft, quick pants.

'_H-hi, um, I hope this is the right number…um…' the voice was shaking and quiet, whispering into the receiver rather than talking, 'It's been a while. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay- I tried to see, but I couldn't, he wouldn't...I'm sorry.' _

Stuttering now, the voice continued even more shakily than it had started. There was a clatter and it sounded like the receiver had been dropped.

_'I-I really hope you're okay. I, I-'_

The louder voice is getting closer and closer now, yelling and screaming abusive language. There's the sharp sound of skin on skin that sets your teeth on edge and sends a shiver down your spine.

_Stupid bitch. _

_Good for nothing fucker. _

_You're lucky I'm here. _

_You shouldn't have done that. _

_You won't do it again. _

It's like being stuck on the other side of the door. Frozen. With no way to help the poor shaking voice on the other end of the line.

Without realizing it, Emily's pulled herself away from the sink and has sunk down by the phone set, gripping the counter top tightly in her hand as she did. Her knuckles are white with fear for the voice.

_I'm going to teach you a lesson._

The voice has a sadistic snarl to it. There's a whimper and a scream, and a cruel, cold laugh.

_Don't cry. You always liked learning. _

She doesn't want to hear any more, but Emily can't bring herself to switch off the machine. She knows that the moment she deletes the message her ties to the voice will be cut- once and for all. She wants to help her, even if she doesn't know how.

She needs to help her. She can't take much more of the crying on the other end.

She's crying herself now, with the pain that she can hear crackling through the phone line.

The screams and the wails. The 'shut the fuck up's and the 'you need to be taught a lesson's. They're still ringing her head long after her the message cuts out and the machine bleeps again.

She plays the first part of the message again and again, restarting it halfway through to hear more of her voice.

She's cradling the phone still long after she falls asleep on the couch, having cried herself to sleep with the weight of the last ten years catching up to her more heavily than she ever could have imagined.

And, even once she's fallen asleep, she can still hear the voice. The whimpers and the cries.

The voice of the bruised and broken angel.

Her broken angel.

Her best friend.

* * *

Hi, everyone.

I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far. It's so great to hear all your feedback.

As requested, this is up a lot quicker than my usual updates are- even if it is a little shorter.

Hope everyone has a great New Year.

Please review : )


	6. Trembling Hands

A/N

Hi, everyone.

Now, you might have guessed where the story is headed and realized that it's not exactly a Spoby shipping, if you know what I mean. I mean no offence to Spoby shippers, or to the pairing themselves: I liked Spoby, but Toby being 'A' gave me this idea. It is purely my interpretation of his character.

Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Chapter Six- Trembling Hands

_'Are you okay?' You mouth across the room to her. She's got a vacant look in her eyes, and it worries you. _

_Alison's sprawled across your bed, asleep, but you can see that Emily's still lying awake next to her from your spot on your chaise. She starts to nod, then shakes her head a little, biting her lip. _

_You think it's cute. _

_'Talk?' you mouth at her, gesturing towards the door of your bedroom with you left hand and pointing between the two of you with your right, 'Downstairs?'_

_She looks at Alison for a moment, and then nods subtly, slipping out from under the sheets and padding across your bedroom floor to join you in the doorway. You both glance back for a second at the blond's sleeping form, and leave the room on tiptoe. _

_"Watch this step." You whisper half way down the stairs as you skip one stair out entirely, "It creaks." _

_She copies you, her long legs finding no difficulty in it, and follows you to the kitchen island where she sits cautiously on the edge of a seat. You turn the lights up a little, but not enough to make a noticeable difference to either your sister or Alison. Neither of whom were you too fond of being interrupted by. _

_"Would you like a drink?" You whisper, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of milk, "I'm going to make some hot chocolate anyway." She smiles and nods, and you busy yourself about in the cupboards as you fiddle with your robe. _

_"I'm sorry about Ali crashing our sleepover." _

_She shakes off your apology with a polite smile. _

_"It's okay. She lives just next door, it's understandable. Besides, her brother's being a jerk." _

_This is why you love her. Her compassion. _

_"I know, but she's been giving you such a hard time recently. I thought you'd appreciate a night off from all that." _

_She sighs. _

_"You noticed that, huh?" _

_You hand her a steaming mug of cocoa, and she whispers a polite thank-you as you sit down next to her. _

_"Of course I noticed, Em, I know how much it upsets you when she says stuff like that." _

_She's lost that vulnerable edge she had a moment ago, and you wish you hadn't said so much. She's guarded now, defensive. _

_"Stuff like what?" _

_You think for a moment, trying to come up with a less offensive example than you were going to use. _

_"Just little quips she makes at you, you know, like 'shy on the streets, sexy in the sheets'- she knew you didn't want to talk about what was going on between you and Ben, and she completely disregarded that." _

_She's quiet, and you're worried that she's going to go back upstairs. You hope she doesn't- you're enjoying spending time alone with her. After all, originally, you'd only invited her over. _

_"I'm a virgin." She croaks out after a few minutes of silence. You almost choke on your drink, and that gets a smile from her- albeit a small one. _

_"What?" You ask gently, "But you told us…" _

_She shakes her head sheepishly,  
"I know, I lied. It's just…everyone found it so, remarkable, you know? I've never been the first of us to do anything and you guys were so…impressed. I couldn't tell you the truth after all that especially as…" _

_"Especially as what, Em?" _

_"Especially as I don't think I'll be able to put it off for much longer." _

_You raise your eyebrows and turn to face her directly, the look on your face one of disgust. _

_"Don't think you'll be able to 'put it off'? Em, losing your virginity is a choice, not a requirement." _

_She sighs and shrugs her shoulders, making eye contact with you in the shyest manner possible. _

_"I know, but Ben keeps trying to…you know…he wants to. I've tried other things, but it's only a matter of time before-"_

_"I swear to God if he ever pressures you into anything you're not ready for I will castrate him." _

_She giggles. _

_"Sweetie, you never have to do anything you don't feel ready for with a boy- or with a girl, for that matter." _

_She gasps at your comment and almost spills her drink in her lap and you shake your head at her. _

_"I mean like when Alison forced you into drinking at that frat party we went to, or going to that party at all for that matter- you obviously didn't want to do it, and she still made you. I didn't mean anything else by it other than…" _

_"It's okay," She interrupts, "I knew you didn't mean anything." _

_But you did. _

_You'd known for a while now, that there was something more to Emily than met the eye. It was the way she looked at Alison, mainly, and how she made any excuse she could to get out of spending time with Ben. _

_It didn't bother you at all, but you could tell it bothered her. _

_That was why you hadn't asked her about it. _

_You knew though, even if she hadn't quite figured it out herself. _

_You knew her far better than she thought you did. You knew her way better than anybody else did. _

_You missed her all the time. _

_She was the one who you wanted to keep you company when your parents were away, when you were scared or lonely. She was who you needed: to nurse you, to protect you, to love you. _

_Especially to love you._

* * *

Monday mornings were something Spencer Cavanaugh had come to look forward to. Often, Toby drink on Sunday nights and oversleep by enough time to not bother with her until he came back from work.

Sometimes she went out on Mondays. Especially when they'd been living in Philadelphia- something she'd learnt long ago was that the larger the city was, the less people gossiped. She guessed that would be coming to an end now that they were back in Rosewood.

She'd only been out twice in the month that they'd been back; once to the hospital, and once to the cemetery. Even after everything that she'd found out after Alison's death, she liked to pay her respects. To Garrett too, and even to Ian- sometimes. When she was desperate.

It was a place that gave her an eerie sense of comfort. There were lots of places to hide in a cemetery.

Being back in Rosewood took away a lot of her freedom though, especially now she was certain that most of her old friends were still there.

She'd seen Hanna, on the street outside her apartment, and Emily- she'd seen Emily twice. Once with a child.

At first she'd assumed the child to be Aria's, when she did the math it worked out that her daughter would be around that age now. But she could just as easily be Emily's.

It was selfish, she knew, to hope that the other girl hadn't yet settled down, but it pained her to imagine her best friend moving on without her, into a new life with a wife and children- a life far away from her friendship with Spencer Hastings.

The last time she'd checked Emily was still very much single. But that had been a little over three years ago, and only according to Facebook. A lot could change in three years though, and Emily deserved to be happy.

Ironically, those were some of the last words she had ever spoken to her best friend.

Just after her wedding day.

Five years ago.

Those five years had really taken their toll on Spencer, she noticed as she stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom. In their tiny apartment, there was little space for any luxury and the mirror that hung on the wall was the last piece of affluence Spencer had- and even that had a crack down the middle.

With a glance at her watch, she took a quick walk around the apartment checking that all the doors were shut and locked, before returning to the bathroom and beginning to fill the bathtub with water. It was cold, of course- he'd notice if she used the hot water, and he was sure to be furious- but it was better than nothing.

Not wanting to waste any time, she pulled off she clothes and set them in a neat pile by the doorway, allowing herself one painful look at her naked body in the mirror before she climbed into the bath.

The cold water pricked at her skin like teeth, gnawing at her wounds, eating away at the dried blood spattering her skin and sucking against her swollen limbs. There was aspirin on the counter that she longed to take, but it wasn't worth it in the long run. He'd know, and she'd pay for it.

Although it was only just past nine, and most days Toby wasn't home until long after dark, Spencer wasn't taking any chances. She pulled herself up out of the water and dabbed gingerly at her body with a hand towel, not wanting to wet or bloody the towel too much for fear that he might realize. She wasn't supposed to bathe for fun- it spoiled her, and her parents had already done enough of that when she was a child.

Carefully, she pulled her clothes back on. Easing her shirt over her swollen wrist with great care- she was pretty sure it was broken, but Toby hadn't wanted to pay for an x-ray. He'd only taken her to the hospital on account of the neighbors insistence that she looked 'sick as a dog'- he couldn't afford for the neighbors to start asking questions about his bruised and battered wife.

Spencer knew he cared about her, though, and that was why she stayed with him. At times, it could be unbearable, like last night when he'd caught her with his cell phone, but she usually deserved to be punished- most recently, for example, she had taken his phone without permission and deliberately tried to contact someone that Toby had been trying to protect her from for years. He was right, she did need to be taught a lesson. She had deserved that.

But it wasn't always that bad.

Toby did love her, she was certain, and he showed it sometimes. With expensive gifts and nights of passionate lovemaking. It was love- without a doubt.

And she loved him back. That was, after all, what had mad her stay with him all these years- through the anger, the hurting and the shocking secrets. That was what had kept her from running away in the middle of the night, pawning her wedding ring and leaving the state.

That and that she'd be found anyway.

Toby had friends in all kinds of places. There was no escaping him.

Toby had lots of friends, and Spencer had none.

It was her own fault really, she thought. In all of the places they'd lived she'd never let anyone get close to her. Once you got close to people, they left and took your heart with them. They started to pry, to ask questions and worry about things that didn't concern them.

But Toby had kept the worst ones away: whenever anyone asked too many questions, they moved on again.

She was surprised when she'd heard that he'd decided to move back to Rosewood, after swearing on their honeymoon that once they left, he wouldn't return if his life depended on it.

Especially not if those bitches were still there.

And those bitches were.

All three of them.

The bitches who'd betrayed her- who'd lied to her and tried to hurt her.

They'd told her that Toby didn't love her.

They'd lied.

They'd lied, she'd left.

And now she hadn't seen them in five years.

_Ding dong. _

Spencer froze. She was hardly dressed, and Toby wasn't supposed to be home for hours yet. And she couldn't face _entertaining_ her husbands 'friends' today.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled the rest of her clothes back on and grabbed Toby's hoodie off of the counter, pulling her hair out of its messy ponytail to cover the bruise on the back of her neck.

_If you ignore it, it will go away. _

She hadn't agreed with Alison at the time, but that was her philosophy lately. Especially towards pain.

_Ding dong. Knock knock. _

This person was persistent.

_Knock knock. _

Bracing herself for either her drunken husband, or a band of his so called friends, headed out of the bathroom and across the tiny living room toward the front door, wishing it had a peep hole.

"Spencer, hey!" A chirpy voice and a bright smile greeted her on the other side of the door.

There was Emily, in all her glory, with her car keys in her hand and a sappy, sentimental look plastered across her face.

"I heard you were back in town and, as I was passing here anyway, I figured that I'd stop by and see if you wanted to catch up some time. I'm actually free now, if you're not busy."

Free was a bit of an understatement, actually, she'd taken the day off work for this.

"I-I'm sorry," Spencer choked out, averting her eyes from the captivating gaze of her ex-best friend, "I can't."

Without a second glance, she stepped back from the door and slammed it shut, unable to bear the look of wonder in her best friends searching eyes any more. She heard Emily sigh and had to bite her lip to keep from crying out in anguish. There was nothing more she wanted than to run out of the door and take Emily in her arms, to hold her, to let her soothe her and protect her.

But she couldn't put Emily in danger.

Emily sighed in exasperation. She'd anticipated this. Spencer never was one to accept help of any kind. Crouching down, she pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket and slid it carefully under the door to where she could see the shadow of Spencer's feet still stood in shock. She listened carefully. Spencer had taken the note, and she'd probably read it by now. She wasn't going to open the door again.

_215-367-9901_

_78 Berks Street, apartment 28,  
Rosewood, PA _

_Anytime- Em. _

Spencer smiled to herself softly, reading the note over several times in her head before ripping it into tiny jagged pieces and throwing it into the trashcan in the kitchen. She couldn't afford for Toby to find out about Emily's visit.

She couldn't afford the temptation of having an opportunity to leave.

If she got rid of the note, she got rid of the opportunity- the desire.

* * *

"Afternoon, love." Toby growled in a fake British accent, swaying as he fell through the door to the apartment, throwing his briefcase on the floor- he was an executive at a building company now, but Spencer knew that the case only held whiskey and cigarettes- which sloshed as it hit the floor.

Spencer rolled her eyes subtly, shutting the door behind her husband to save him from slamming it- they got enough complaints from their neighbors about noise as it was, and the more complaints they got the angrier Toby was. He glared at her for a second, and then pounced, pressing her against the wall and roughly kissing her.

He tasted of whiskey, she tasted of fear.

His tongue felt cold and slobbery against her lips, and his hands were intrusive under her shirt. She missed the days of being kissed with his hands in her hand, his lips softly against her neck.

They didn't even make love anymore, they just had sex. Rather, Toby had sex- Spencer just laid on the bed.

He forced his hips forward against hers, his knees either side of her legs, effectively trapping her against the wall as he shoved his tongue to the back of her throat with twisted pleasure. His hands were fully up her shirt now, calloused fingers wrapped around her breasts- squeezing for his own pleasure, not hers.

He was hurting her, but she couldn't cry.

She wouldn't let herself cry.

"Do you like that?" He growled, pressing one of her nipples hard with his thumb. She gulped.  
"Toby, stop." She murmured.

He froze.

"What did you say?"

She paled, pressing herself back against the wall as far as she could go and retreating from his hands.

"You're hurting me." She whispered, her eyes downcast and her heart beating fast against her chest.

"I'm _hurting_ you?" He snarled incredulously, stepping away and walking into the kitchen, leaving Spencer frozen against the living room wall. She heard him open the fridge, and she knew he was drinking without even looking.

When he returned, he'd lost his pants and gained a degree of arrogance that set Spencer shaking.

"Get on your knees." He barked, taking a long swig of Jack Daniels from the half empty bottle in his hands and unbuttoning the top few buttons on his boxers.

She stood, frozen, against the wall.

"I said," He whispered all too calmly, "GET ON YOUR KNEES."

She flinched and stumbled onto the floor, her hands trembling as Toby approached her, his weapon hardened now and clutched firmly in his hand.

"Do you love me, Spencer?" He smiled, standing either side of her knees, his crotch just inches from her face.

"Y-yes." She choked out, pressing her lips together and shrinking back against the wall.

"Then prove it, you stupid bitch."

He stepped forward once more, pressing his weaponry against her lips.

"I do a lot for you, Spencer. And you never, do anything, for me!"

Slap.

She flinched at the collision of his palm against her face. This wasn't the kind of skin on skin contact she dreamt about.

Trembling, she parted her lips and allowed him to thrust his penis deep into her mouth. She blanched at the taste, retching as Toby pressed himself against her gag reflex.

"You like that, huh?" He snarled, grabbing her head and slamming it further into his body. "Tell me you like it!"

She tried to muster the words, but they wouldn't form on her lips. They were stuck, low in her throat, choking her.

The only words in Spencer's heart at that moment were numbers. The same numbers, swimming round and round inside of her.

215-367-9901


	7. And So, We Wait

Hey Guys.

I just want to thank all of my readers for reading/favoriting/following/reviewing and PMing me with their feedback. It's great to see what you guys are thinking.

I'm glad you all liked the Spencer chapter.

* * *

Chapter Seven- And So, We Wait

_"This is so cool." Spencer squealed as she climbed over the back wall into your back yard, "I can't believe your dad set this up for us!" _

_You grinned, racing over and grabbing Spencer by the hand and dragging her over to the miniature campsite that had been erected on the far left of the yard. _

_"Totally. Look! We have a tent, a campfire and my mom got us all the ingredients to makes s'mores!" _

_Spencer squealed again, diving into the tent with you close behind her and looking around in admiration. _

_"Em, you have the best parents ever." She marveled, admiring the mass of blankets and quilts piled in the corner (no doubt by your mother), the stack of junk food in its hamper and the lantern hanging from the roof of the tent. _

_"I do," You conceded, "My dad and I spent all day setting this up. He can put up a tent in two minutes flat, but he can't set one up for a girl's campout." _

_Spencer laughed, pulling her backpack through the doorway and setting it down next to yours. _

_"My mom wants to know if we want to eat dinner with her and dad, order a pizza or cook our own food. I said I'd ask you when you got here." _

_Spencer's eyes widened. _

_"Your mom will let us cook our own food?" She exclaimed, "That's so cool! Let's do that!" _

_"You've never cooked your own dinner before?" Emily asked, amazed, "I help my mom cook all the time." _

_Spencer shook her head sadly, "We have a housekeeper, she always cooks my meals when my parents aren't home, and when Melissa and I are home alone we get take out. We go to dinner at the country club too, and to Philly for special occasions." _

_It was your turn to gape in shock. _

_"That's so much cooler than baking. I wish my parents were out more." _

_Spencer shook her head sadly. "Everyone thinks that, but it's pretty lonely."_

_You frowned momentarily, your brow creasing softly in sympathy as you placed a gentle hand on Spencer's arm, your own face brightening as Spencer smiled. _

_"Well, you're always welcome here. My mom loves you. I wish I had a sister." _

_Spencer laughed dryly. _

_"You're welcome to Melissa, but I'm sure you'd give her back." _

_You giggled. You actually thought you'd rather like to have Spencer for a sister. You'd been friends for years already, but you felt like you were only really getting to know her as of recently. She was opening up more. You'd got a cell phone recently, and much to your mothers disgust, had become rather attached to it. But it wasn't really the phone that you were attached to, it was more your late night phone calls with Spencer. _

_Almost every night now, she'd call you- late, after your parents were surely asleep- and you'd talk. About everything, about nothing. She'd tell you facts and figures that you found you remembered far better than anything they taught you in school, and you'd tell her stories- sometimes anecdotes, sometimes fantasies. You talked until one of you fell asleep. _

_You kept Spencer's mind occupied when she was abandoned by her parents yet again. _

_And she kept you happy. _

_It was dark when the two of you had finally tumbled back into the tent and starting to get cold. You'd made yourselves a campfire, or rather, Spencer had made a campfire using her glasses and what remained of the sun, and had managed to cook pretty decent pizzas over it (using store-bought bases, of course). You were inside now, but you could still see the flames flickering in Spencer's eyes- lighting up her face. _

_She was glowing. _

_Radiant. _

_"How many layers do we need to keep from getting cold?" You ask. Spencer was sure to know- you were beginning to wonder if there was anything fourteen year old Spencer __didn't__ know. She thought for a minute, then glanced over at the pile of bedding. _

_"Well, you'll need your pajamas, and probably a robe, but the best source of heat is body heat from skin to skin contact." _

_Emily nodded thoughtfully. _

_"So, if we layer the blankets on top of each other, the trapped air will act as insulation, and so long as we sleep close by each other, we'll be warm enough." Spencer continued, unbuttoning her shirt. _

_"We're in a tent, we have to sleep close together." Emily laughed nervously, averting her eyes from Spencer's half naked body, and pretended to search for her pajamas. _

_"You should take your bra off before you sleep, Em- it's not good for you to sleep with it on." She chides as she watches you remove your shirt, your back still to her. You turn around to poke out your tongue at her, and turn beet red as you make eye contact with Spencer's- now fully developed- breasts._

_She smirks. _

_"Enjoy the view?" She laughs drily, reaching across you to grab her top. You stutter and she laughs good naturedly, slipping her clothes back on and respectfully looking away while you finish undressing. _

_Not that you mind, really, when you catch her looking out of the corner of her eye. _

_"What are you so shy about?" Spencer says with her signature smirk as you struggle to wriggle out of your bra under your shirt, "You're acting like we're strangers." _

_You blush again, slipping under the pile of blankets next to her. _

_"I just don't want you to see me naked." You murmur awkwardly, looking away from her face as she raises a questioning eyebrow. _

_"Since when?" She laughs, "You know we literally have the same anatomy, right?" _

_You nod, and she seems to sense how uncomfortable you're feeling and changes the topic back to telling you a story about something or other that Alison did to piss her off. _

_You could have answered her question, but she wouldn't have liked the answer. In truth, you hadn't wanted to be this close to her for one sole reason: you didn't trust yourself. _

_The last time you showered together you dreamt about it for a week. _

_You didn't want to make things awkward by pouncing on her. _

_It was awkward enough already that you couldn't look at your best friend without your (now permanently adorned) rose tinted glasses. _

_"Come here." She whispers, tugging gently on your elbow until you move closer, "Lay down." As if in apology, she wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you down to her body enough to let your head rest on her chest. _

_"Why?" You ask quietly, though you don't resist. _

_"Body heat, remember?" _

_She flicks out the light and her arms wrap tighter around you, her chin resting on the top of your head and her legs curled around yours. _

_And you can't help thinking how she'd gotten the answer wrong. _

_You feel a gentle kiss on your forehead and you smile. _

_"Why?" You whisper again, hoping this time for a better answer. _

_"Because I love you, remember?"_

* * *

"You went to see her didn't you?" Aria asked, lowering her voice as the she pulled up outside Hanna's house. Emily shook her head and began to feign unreasonable interest in her unpainted fingernails.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"But you did." Aria pressed on, beeping her horn twice to hurry Hanna along. She sighed, turning in her seat to face Emily.

"Yeah," She responded coldly, "I did."

Aria bit her lip hard.

"Look," she hissed, "I don't care if you don't want to talk about it, but I want to know how she is. You're not the only one who cared about her Em, we all loved her."

Emily looked at her through hooded, misty eyes, a snarl forming on her lips.

"Maybe, but I'm the only one who doesn't talk about her in the past tense. It's not like she died. She just went away for a little while, and now she's back."

Aria rolled her eyes, slumping back in her seat and pressing the horn again.

"Seriously? Is that what you keep telling yourself, Emily? That she 'went away' for a bit- like a vacation? She vanished off of the face of the earth. She _abandoned_ us. She left for a two week honeymoon in the south of France and never came back. She didn't even say goodbye."

Emily gulped. It was hard enough to know what had happened, she didn't need Aria to explain it to her. She relived it every night when she slept.

"You think I don't remember?" She asked incredulously, "You think that I don't remember going to the airport to meet her like we'd arranged and her not showing up? Watching everyone else on the flight running towards their loved ones at baggage claim and just waiting, and waiting, and waiting until the airport was empty. You think I've forgotten staying up all night with you and calling her cell over and over, leaving so many voicemails that in the end we had to stop because we filled her inbox?"

Emily paused, swallowing hard and breathing carefully a couple of times before daring to look Aria in the eyes.

"I haven't forgotten a thing about that week. But unlike you I want to know what happened."

Aria nodded, accepting defeat. It had been stupid to broach the subject with Emily anyway- she'd probably have had more luck going to see Spencer herself.

Emily got out of the car as she saw Hanna coming and climbed into the backseat next to Scarlett, buckling herself in as the blonde climbed into the car.

"Auntie Hanna!" Scarlett screamed, yanking the headphones out of her ears and lunging as far forward as her seatbelt allowed.

"Hey kiddo," Hanna smiled wearily, giving her an awkward one armed hug from her place in the passenger seat and squeezing her hand, "You glad it's the weekend again?"

Scarlett paused, comically placing a finger on her lips in thought.

"Yes, but no. I like school. Auntie Emmy's a really good teacher."

Hanna smiled at Emily, "I'll bet she is."

"But she wasn't there on Monday. She was sick, so we had silly Missus Pike. She's boring, she doesn't teach us fun things like Miss Fields does. I mean, Auntie Em." Scarlett giggled and Emily groaned inwardly.

"Oh she was, was she?" Hanna asked pointedly, raising an eyebrow at Emily.

"Yep," Scarlett sang, entirely unaware of the tension in the car, "but she was all bettered by Tuesday. Which was good, because Mrs Pike is old and boring."

"Scarlett!" Aria scolded, "You mustn't say things like that, she isn't that old and she's a very good teacher."

Hanna laughed sarcastically.

"Please, Aria, she was retirement age when she taught us."

Emily sighed in relief- she wasn't feeling a Hanna confrontation today.

"I want to thank you guys for coming with me today," Hanna said, glancing from Aria to Emily, "It means a lot."

"No problem," Aria smiled as she pulled her car into a small parking lot outside of a fancy building, "what kind of maid of honor would I be if I wasn't there to hold your hand when you sign the divorce papers?"

Hanna laughed dryly, unbuckling herself from the seat and checking her reflection in the rearview mirror.

"Are you ready?" Emily asked gently, "You don't have to go in yet. You can take all the time you need."

"I'm ready." Hanna sighed, "But thanks, Em." She pulled the taller girl in for a hug, squeezing hard on her hand. Emily kissed the side of the blonde's head quickly before pulling away and looking around for her goddaughter.

"You ready to go, little lady?"

"Where are you guy going?" Hanna asked Scarlett, placing a kiss on her goddaughter's forehead.

"Auntie Emmy's taking me swimming. She's going to teach me how to swim. Daddy tried in Florida last year, but the waves in the sea made it really hard. And mommy said that Auntie Em is the best swimmer ever, better than daddy, and Auntie Em said I can do anything I like while you two go to your boring meeting, so I said swimming and-"

"I got it, chatterbox." Hanna laughed, ruffling her hair, "I'm sure you're going to have great fun."

Emily and Scarlett said goodbye and headed out of the parking lot hand in hand.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Aria asked, gently taking Hanna's hand as they turned towards the office block, pulling her gaze away from her retreating daughter.

Hanna nodded, biting down on her lip as she started to slowly walk, holding tightly to her best friend.

"Yeah, it's just weird. You know? Caleb and I have been together since high school- I've never even slept with anyone else. It's going to be strange going home every night to an empty house."

"Oh honey," Aria moaned sympathetically, letting go of her hand and wrapping her arm around Hanna's waist, "You're welcome to come and stay with us for a while, until you get back on your feet."

"Thanks, Ar," Hanna smiled wryly, shaking her head, "it's nice of you to offer, but I'd still have to face it sometime. Besides, I am a grown up now."

Aria laughed, "Well, you're always welcome."

* * *

"Can you dive, Auntie Em?" Scarlett asked, looking up at her aunt from where she was shivering on the side of the pool.

"I used to be able to, yeah."

"Cool!" Scarlett grinned, "Will you show me?"

Emily shook her head, sitting down on the edge of the pool and dipping her feet in the water, "Maybe later. Are you going to get in?"

Scarlett shook her head, stepping back from the edge of the pool and fiddling with the towel on her beach chair.

"I think I might just sit here for a bit. I like to watch people swim."

Emily raised an eyebrow at her niece, beckoning her over.

"Scar, you aren't afraid of the water, are you?" She asked gently when her goddaughter was close enough.

"Maybe a little." She admitted, "Mommy never takes me swimming."

Emily nodded understandingly, thinking about how many times she'd done this lesson when she worked as a swim coach through college.

"Well, it's pretty warm out, so the water won't be cold. Slip off your clothes and come and sit down next to me."

Scarlett did as she was told, sitting down on the side of the pool in a bright red bikini.

"Okay, now just dip your toes in, easy does it."

Scarlett shuffled forwards, pointing her feet to reach the surface of the warm water. She squealed as she touched it, clinging to Emily's arm and pulling her feet back out and shrinking back from the edge.

"I can't do it."

"Sure you can!" Emily reassured her, wrapping and arm around her shoulder, "These things come with practice. I couldn't swim once upon a time."

Scarlett shook her head stubbornly.

"How about we try it together?"

"Nuh uh." Scarlett mumbled defiantly, shrinking back even further. "I won't do it."

"You know," Emily began, sliding off the side and into the water, "I taught a little girl as stubborn as you once. She was afraid of the water too."

Scarlett's forehead creased in thought, "Did she get in the water?"

Emily nodded, "Eventually. I had to pick her up and throw her in."

Scarlett gasped, clutching her hands to her mouth. "Auntie Emmy!" She scolded, sounding remarkably like her mother, "You didn't!"

"I did," Emily laughed, "and she loved the water once she was in. She was a fast learner."

Scarlett thought for a moment, scooting forwards enough to dip her toes back in.  
"Daddy says I'm a fast learner."

Emily smiled to herself- she was winning.

"You are."

Carefully, Scarlett slid forward until she was barely hanging on to the edge of the pool, reaching out her little arms towards her aunt.

"Will you help me in?"

Emily grinned at her, taking her under her arms and lifting her clean of the edge before planting her firmly in the shallow water.

"I'm glad you decided to come in," She smiled at her, taking her niece's hands and guiding her around the pool, "I'd have hated to have had to throw you in, like I did with Spe- with the stubborn little girl I taught."

Scarlett smiled, kicking her legs in the water and splashing herself. Her godmother had been right, this _was_ fun.

"Was Spencer the little girl you taught?"

Emily froze, having forgotten how perceptive her niece could be at times.

"Yes, but that was a very long time ago."

Scarlett nodded, sensing that she shouldn't ask any more questions and began to drag Emily out towards the deeper water, splashing her hands as she went.

"There's no point in waiting in the little end if I'm going to be a big swimmer." The child explained excitedly, all fear having disappeared.

Emily had never before that moment been more reminded of Spencer Hastings.

"We'll give you a moment to fill out the paperwork."

Hanna's attorney stood, beckoning for his assistant to follow him, leaving Hanna and Aria completely alone in the office. Numbly, the blonde thumbed through the pages, tears forming in her eyes as she read over the first line again and again.

"It's all so real." She whispered, letting Aria wrap and arm around her shoulders, "I mean, I know I'm the one who filed for divorce but I really didn't expect it to hurt so bad."

Aria sighed sympathetically, pulling her best friend away from the paperwork and swiveling her chair to face her.

"No one is making you go through with this, if you change your mind-"

Hanna shook her head decisively, "No, no it's not that. It's for the best. It's just…"

"Just what?" Aria asked gently, wiping away one of Hanna's tears with the pad of her thumb,  
"I just really wish we could have one more day where it was all like it used to be, you know? Before all of this with Caleb, and before Spencer and…"

"I know," Aria nodded, gently tugging Hanna out of her chair and sitting her down across her lap, wrapping her arms around her torso and resting her head on her shoulder like she did when Scarlett was upset. "When would you go back to? If you could?"

"Your wedding." Hanna smiled, nuzzling her face into Aria's neck, "Like, a couple of hours before, when we were in the hotel and it was just us. I couldn't find my car keys anywhere, and the flowers were in the trunk, so Spencer had to pick the lock- and Emily spent a whole hour trying to get the zipper on your dress to do up but it wouldn't because-"

"Because I was pregnant with Scarlett. I remember."

"Yeah, but you hadn't told anyone yet, so we had no idea why the dress wasn't fitting you- because you hadn't grown since the eighth grade."

Aria smacked her best friend playfully on the knee at the short joke, remembering all too clearly the fiasco of her wedding.

"I stopped growing in the tenth grade, actually. And you were the one who spilt champagne on her bridesmaids dress."

Hanna chuckled.

"Spencer's. I spilt champagne on Spencer's bridesmaids dress, and she refused to wear it stained so we switched. That's why the dress looks like it's about to burst in some of the wedding pictures."

Aria turned to look at Hanna quizzically, wiping her eyes from laughing.

"How come you never told me that?"

Hanna pursed her lips.

"Well, as soon as you got back from your honeymoon, we had a baby to prepare for, and then we were onto planning Spencer's wedding…and after that she was never around to tell the story. It must have gotten lost in the chaos."

Aria sighed contentedly, "Remember how worried she was that I might be pregnant when she got married?"

Hanna laughed wryly, "I remember her threatening to induce you herself if you hadn't given birth at least a week before her wedding."

"I'm just thankful that Scarlett was early. She made a very cute flower girl. Even if she did spit up on the groom."

"Didn't we all want to? He made me sick."

"Past tense?" Aria laughed derisively, patting Hanna's leg softly.

"Hmmm."

"Do you miss her?" Hanna asked after a couple of moments of silence, still curled up on Aria's lap, her face pressed against her neck. Aria loved the way Hanna fit into her still after all their years of friendship, never had the two of them outgrown each other even slightly. They'd both fought with Emily, more and more since Spencer left, but never with each other.

"Yeah," Aria whispered into the ear by her lips, "every day."

* * *

"Auntie Emily?" Scarlett asked as she lay on her back, her toes pointed and her head cocked back to look up at her aunt who was standing just behind her head. "Did Spencer have painted pink toenails like mine?"

Emily laughed, using her hand to push her niece's stomach up from underneath to help her float, "You're asking a lot of questions about Spencer lately."

Scarlett pouted, her head brushing against Emily's stomach.

"And you're avoiding the question."

Emily giggled, brushing her niece's hair off of her face and adjusting the position of her legs.

"You'll float much better for now if you lay like a starfish. And I'm not sure; Spencer's favorite color was always red."

Scarlett smiled, spreading her legs and arms apart and waving them around.

"Look!" She cried, "I'm making a snow angel!"

Emily rolled her eyes.

"So you are; you're doing pretty good for a first timer."

Scarlett smiled widely, tipping herself upright and grabbing a hold of the straps on Emily's swimsuit,  
"Can you teach me to swim like you can? And dive? And do flips and handstands and all of that?" She asked excitedly. Emily quirked an eyebrow as her niece wrapped her legs around her waist and leant back over the water.

"Sure, you can't stay upright in the water on your own but you think you can learn to dive?"

Scarlett giggled, dunking herself upside down into the water again and coming up beaming, her smile showing her missing front teeth.

"Hey! Look who's swimming!" An excited voice called out from the edge of the pool.

"Mommy!" Scarlett shrieked, letting go of Emily and doing her best to doggy paddle to the side, her legs sending splash up into Emily's face.

"Hey baby!" Aria called out, crouching at the edge of the pool and reaching out a hand to her daughter, who was paddling furiously with her hands. "You're doing so well!"

Scarlett squeezed her mother's hand quickly before launching herself off of the side and making her way shakily back to Emily spluttering and kicking violently before falling into her aunt's arms.

"See, mommy?" She cried, "I made it all the way back to Auntie Emmy!"

Aria smiled and sat down next to Hanna on a pool lounger.

"Hey, buddy, I'm going to go talk to your mommy and Aunt Hanna for a little while- you play in the shallow end. Okay?" Scarlett nodded, "Right, let's go get your water wings."

"I don't need water wings, I can swim."

Emily laughed, "For now, let's get you some floaties."

"You know, I always wondered why you never went professional, Em." Hanna said as she watched Emily climb out of the pool, "You totally still have the body for it."

Emily smiled, "It's not like I'm the only one that kept in shape- you both look great still."

Aria snorted.

"Yeah, having Scarlett did wonders for my figure. Seriously, though, Em, you were so close."

Emily turned away, watching her niece splashing about in the shallow water.

"I just didn't like it so much anymore."

Hanna raised her eyebrows, glaring disbelievingly at Emily.

"You realize you almost missed my wedding for the annual Speedo meet."

Aria rolled her eyes, "Han, it was six years ago. Get over it. It's not her fault the plane was delayed- and she didn't miss it."

Emily heaved a sigh.

"Well, it just wasn't right for me. Once I got to Nationals I just felt all of the drive drain from me."

Aria cocked her head to the side in thought.

"So it had nothing to do with the fact that Nationals were the same year as…Spencer."

Emily blushed, turning away from her two best friends and focusing on her goddaughter.

"No." She said curtly, biting her lip.

"Nothing to do with the fact that the competition was the week after we went to her apartment? And she was the only person you were taking with you?"

Emily scowled at Aria, speechless.

"Damn, I forgot you were the smart one now." Hanna muttered, earning herself dirty looks from both Emily and Aria. "Okay," She groaned in defense of herself, "So Emily threw away her shot at the Olympics because she was still hung up on our ex-best friend."

Emily opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by her phone chiming from somewhere in her purse.

With a glare that clearly said 'this isn't over' to Hanna and Aria, she fished her phone out of her purse, taking a double take at the number on the screen. She thought she knew the number, but after so long she couldn't be sure.

Her mind played a lot of tricks on her lately.

"Hello?" She croaked, clearing her throat nervously, walking away from Hanna and Aria.

"I had to call you. I'm ready for this."


End file.
